Well hello there fellow
Internet stalkers, surfers and citizens of all kinds.
Today I am going to tell you
a story.
Of a series of unfortunate
events that have graced me with their presence on my way home.
'From where??'
You ask
Different story. That's for
later.
For now I'm allowing you to
hopefully get some sort of comical relief from my pain. Consider yourself lucky
Internet friends!!
As background to this story
you must know that I took a two week trip to New Zealand with a group of
friends. I'm not a huge traveller's, the opportunity just presented itself and
I thought ah what the hey YOLO right?
Except I hate that term... So I'm gonna say YOYO. You're only young once.
I had the money in my account
and figured I would regret not going so I blew it all.
Alright enough background.
So the two weeks are coming
to an end and everyone is leaving one at a time.
I had originally planned to
sleep in the airport on the night of the 15th, but when I thought long and hard
(solid hour) I realized it would be dumb of me when there's a spare bed in the
room my final traveling buddy is staying in until early the next morning.
He would be leaving too early
for me to notice him leave so it was just fine.
We went to bed early NZ time
to help cushion the jet lag that would undoubtedly face us upon our arrival in
a time zone 20 hrs ahead of the one we were currently staying in.
I quickly discovered however
that I wasn't tired... And found myself trying so hard not to chuckle at the
random noises coming from my pal in the other bed.
I was doing a great job at
being quiet. The rustling of the sheets were pretty much the loudest noise I
made.
And then.... my bladder...
I got the uncontrollable urge
to pee
Darn...
So I lay there. Trying to
evaluate the situation.
I tried to think back to the
last time I had used the washroom... it wasn’t that long ago was it??
How loud was the flush? Loud
enough to wake my peacefully sleeping roomie?
Nothing... maybe the flush wasn’t so loud? yeeea you’ll
be fine!
So I compose myself, gathering
what I can to accomplish my mission making as little noise as possible.
As I tiptoe out of bed and
into the bathroom in the dark, visions of the Grinch stealing Christmas from
the Whos in Whoville pop into my mind
Yea, as quiet as the Grinch who stole Christmas...
good one *mental high-five*
*keeping in mind here it’s
less than ten days till Christmas and I’ve just spent two weeks in summer
weather. My Christmas fever is at an all-time high and it was really on my
brain. Obviously...*
I close the door and turn the
light on.
Phase one complete.
I get so caught up in my
success that I go about my business and as a force of habit I flush without
blinking...
WHAM!!!
CRAP!! I woke him up, I woke him up, I woke him up!!! Noooo!!
I wash my hands, head dipped
Defeat.
I walk out of the bathroom
only to find him (from what I could gather, or rather I just hoped) still
sleeping.
Sweet!! Back to bed with a
clear conscience.
By this point it’s pretty
late and I’m getting tired.
By the time I wake up he’s
already gone.
I check the window and just
by freaky coincidence I catch sight of him walking away.
BYE!!
I start to gather my things
and then I get really bored...
TV it is.
After scrolling through what
seemed endless news channels I settle for a kids cartoon broadcast
Pingu. Score. Loved that show
as a kid.
Then I remembered Pingu only
ever lasts a solid five minutes...
Beyblades....ugh.
I watch another solid couple
hours of TV then decide I might go insane, grab my things and head for the
lobby.
I checkout and hand the clerk
my room keys, ready to waste what should have been ten hours
I stop by the grocery store,
grab some snacks for the flight, bum around a clothing store, then head over to
Carls Jr.
I’m not a big breakfast
person so I kill about an hour and then order my food.
I tried to take my time
eating it but it was way too tasty
It’s about noon when I toss
the last hash brown into my trap and sink down into my seat, bracing myself for
the potential food coma.
Then I realize I’m in a fast
food restaurant will all my luggage, and a nap probably isn’t appropriate.
Back to the hotel.
I figured a nap in the lobby
was better than a nap on a fast food restaurant bench.
Yea?
Yea. But I still had six
hours to kill before I should even consider walking to the airport.
So…. Bored....
I’m nowhere near any beaches.
There’s rainfall in the
forecast anyways.
No Wi-Fi.
My phone, iPod, and tablet
are all below 20% battery life
I don’t even remember what
the heck I did but I made it through, collecting a couple glances and funny
looks from incoming and outgoing hotel guests
The clerk even came and asked
me if I was waiting for a room key.
Thank you concerned citizen
:)
You’re nice
But no I’m just alone in your
country with nothing else to do.
Carry on.
The time comes for me to walk
over and as I’m walking I come to the conclusion that my small carry on
suitcase wasn’t engineered to handle bumps around sharp corners.
I found myself impatiently
stopping, turning and re-adjusting my suitcase several times along the five
minute walk.
Feeling like an impatient
mother whose child doesn't want to walk, I finally arrive at the airport
(Five minutes, painful I
know)
I fuss with the check-in bag
tags and forms and make it upstairs, backpack and passport at the ready.
I browse the shops just
because I feel like it, sipping from my water bottle every once in a while.
But not too much to spoil the
doom that is my 12 hour flight out of NZ
I check my surroundings and
people watch to evaluate the situation, and decide I may as well go through
customs.
There’s a cute new family in
front of me doing what appears to be some last minute re checking of the flight
essentials.
I relax.
All is well with me and my
backpack.
Memories of the trip run
through my mind.
Beaches.
Caves.
Mountains.
Green EVERYWHERE.
Poor dehydrated friends.
*oh, getting thirsty*
Wait.... OOPS!! Gotta drink
the water!!
So much for not spoiling the
flight...
I get through customs and
find a spot to sit
I want to sleep, so I give it
my best shot and get nowhere.
Hmm... bookstore!
It’s been a while since I
bought a good book, and they made it too easy with their big sign advertising a
top 50 reccomended books list.
*yes I succumbed to the
classic retail marketing trap.
What of it? at least I did it
with my eyes completely open.*
So I wander through the
aisles, reading the first couple paragraphs of every few books till I settle on
one that draws me in.
*if you’re curious it was The
Lost Symbol by Dan Brown. Who also wrote The Da Vinci Code*
No more than a couple pages
in I hear an announcement on the PA, and I brush it off like all the rest.
Then I realize it was for my
flight.... oops...
I take a gander at the flight
schedule board ahead of me, and right next to my flight number it said
RELAX
Ok. Cool. So I do the exact opposite.
I start second guessing what
I heard, looking around frantically
Then I look at the board
again, comparing it to my boarding pass.
Hmm... odd
The time on my pass said
20:30...
But the board said 22:45...
Hmm... I do some quick math
and a slow panic starts to settle...
With my new flight time
plugged in I would be scheduled to land in LA at 14:00
K... cool.
Except boarding for my
connection is supposed to be at 13:45....
UUUUMMMMM
CRAP
I run over to the help desk
and he’s looking at me like I have bright blue skin and a peacock on my noggin
or something
You’re fine he says, you’ve
still got 25 mins till boarding.
And I’m thinking, ok you clearly don’t understand my problem
So I go off to boarding in
hopes of finding someone who can help.
There are lines everywhere...
I pick one at random. Hoping
to goodness it’s the right one.
Nope. Change lines.
There we go
The two ladies in line in
front of me seem to know each other and are going on about window seats
One of which seems really
upset and the other seems to be attempting to calm her down
The mad one gets up to the
counter and rips the lady a freshie...
I paid for a window seat and I KNOW B is not a window
seat. You lied. You shouldn’t lie. Don’t lie.
Blah blah blah
And I’m thinking poor clerk
I feel your pain fellow retail associate, I feel your
pain.
The lady behind her, much
more cheerfuly walks up just kinda laughs and points back at her friend same problem
Then it’s my turn
She seems a tad flustered
from her previous encounter but is hiding it well, so I do my best to be pleasant
She tells me my flight will
be rescheduled but only after my current plane leaves so they can get a fair
estimate of my arrival
Makes sense
All is well and I finally
relax.
Then I see the line.. I walk
back through the airport
In about a minutes time I’ve
reached the end.
Keeping in mind I walk fast
and I just want to get on that plane and out.
So long...
But luckily it moved fast
*this is getting really
long.... sorry*
In flight I watched a couple
movies to pass time.
But remember that bottle of
water?
Yea.
So everyone is sleeping,
seats reclined and all
And I have to pee.
I evaluate, and decide on a
plan of attack.
Stepping on only the
armrests, I walk over the two people next to me
Safe. Nobody stirred
NINJA
Then I peed.
Safely back in my seat I
caught some shut eye.
Watched a couple movies after
I woke up and we were finally in L.A.
About an hour and a half
after planned landing time :/
I get through the grueling
customs line
Grab my bag
Ask a couple people where to
go to get redirected to my next flight.
Wait patiently and get tugged
around a couple times.
Make friends with a nice
older couple who helped the time go by.
And then it was my turn...
I walk up to the counter with
a cheery demeanor
That starts to fade when I
more clearly understand what she's saying to me.
"Your connecting flight
was missed and there won't be another one flying out until tomorrow morning at
seven."
I've been waiting to get home
now for roughly a day and I'm too emotionally spent to care what everybody else
thinks of me right now...
Tears start to well up in my
eyes.
"Just go out the doors
and look for the big red Hilton sign"
She had to repeat it to me a
few times before I could bring myself to walk off.
If you've ever been in the
L.A. Airport you know it's extremely overwhelming..
So after a couple tries at
figuring out where the heck this big red sign is, I go to the customer service
desk and ask politely for directions.
He looks at me like I've made
some extremely uncommon mistake and rudely points it out to me.
Gee thanks. The tears in my
eyes weren’t a big enough hint to you that im just having a bad day?
Rude.
I walk over and wait for the
right shuttle to the Hilton Hotel.
By the time it arrives I'm
pretty much composed, no more tears.
I get to the hotel and the
clerk hands me my keys.
5th floor two bed room with a
dinner and breakfast voucher.
I walk into my room and throw
myself onto the bed.
Finally some room to breathe.
After a couple more emotional
episodes I go to the lobby and Skype call my dad
He was unfortunately waiting
for me at the Calgary airport...
I tried to reach him earlier
but there was no way I could.
The Wi-Fi in the NZ airport
is only good for an hour and I used it to email him before I realized I would
be on a delayed flight home.
I go back upstairs to grab my
meal vouchers.
At this point I’m not really
that hungry cuz I’ve been snacking nervously on chocolate bars and crackers I
had planned on bringing home... oops?
Looking through the menu I
decide to order some wings, a pulled pork sandwich and a slice of apple pie.
I figured because I was in a
fancy hotel restaurant the servings would be small... right?
I had $40 after all and I
intended to use it.
So she brings me my wings.
Each wing was at least three
inches long and an inch and a half wide at its meatiest section...
Uhoh...
I eat four and along comes my
sandwich.
Solid eight inches long
stuffed overflowing with pulled pork.
And the fries on the side?
About a serving and a half of
Costco fries...
Crap...
I ate most of the sandwich.
Reaching frequently for my
water to wash it down.
Then the pie.
Luckily the pie was the size
I had hoped it would be.
That was gone in minutes.
I stayed in the restaurant
for about another fifteen minutes until I was done most of my massive supper
Upstairs to shower.
Glorious....
Everything went smoothly from
then on.
Other than once in the
airplane having to go pee...
And having to wait like
fifteen minutes in line for this older lady
I felt bad for her :(
I don’t ever want to have to
pee on a plane pushing 60
So that’s my story.
Long
Drawn out
But oh well!!
I hope you guys all got a
kick out of it!
Sorry it was so late. Life’s
crazy these days!!
Perhaps one of these days ill
catch you up a bit
Toodles!!
