Stuck in L.A: A Long-winded Adventure Story

Well hello there fellow Internet stalkers, surfers and citizens of all kinds.

Today I am going to tell you a story.

Of a series of unfortunate events that have graced me with their presence on my way home.

'From where??' You ask

Different story. That's for later.

For now I'm allowing you to hopefully get some sort of comical relief from my pain. Consider yourself lucky Internet friends!!

As background to this story you must know that I took a two week trip to New Zealand with a group of friends. I'm not a huge traveller's, the opportunity just presented itself and I thought ah what the hey YOLO right? Except I hate that term... So I'm gonna say YOYO. You're only young once.

I had the money in my account and figured I would regret not going so I blew it all.

Alright enough background.

So the two weeks are coming to an end and everyone is leaving one at a time.

I had originally planned to sleep in the airport on the night of the 15th, but when I thought long and hard (solid hour) I realized it would be dumb of me when there's a spare bed in the room my final traveling buddy is staying in until early the next morning.

He would be leaving too early for me to notice him leave so it was just fine.

We went to bed early NZ time to help cushion the jet lag that would undoubtedly face us upon our arrival in a time zone 20 hrs ahead of the one we were currently staying in.

I quickly discovered however that I wasn't tired... And found myself trying so hard not to chuckle at the random noises coming from my pal in the other bed.

I was doing a great job at being quiet. The rustling of the sheets were pretty much the loudest noise I made.

And then.... my bladder...

I got the uncontrollable urge to pee

Darn...

So I lay there. Trying to evaluate the situation.

I tried to think back to the last time I had used the washroom... it wasn’t that long ago was it??

How loud was the flush? Loud enough to wake my peacefully sleeping roomie?

Nothing... maybe the flush wasn’t so loud? yeeea you’ll be fine!

So I compose myself, gathering what I can to accomplish my mission making as little noise as possible.

As I tiptoe out of bed and into the bathroom in the dark, visions of the Grinch stealing Christmas from the Whos in Whoville pop into my mind

Yea, as quiet as the Grinch who stole Christmas... good one *mental high-five*

*keeping in mind here it’s less than ten days till Christmas and I’ve just spent two weeks in summer weather. My Christmas fever is at an all-time high and it was really on my brain. Obviously...*

I close the door and turn the light on.

Phase one complete.

I get so caught up in my success that I go about my business and as a force of habit I flush without blinking...

WHAM!!!

CRAP!! I woke him up, I woke him up, I woke him up!!! Noooo!!

I wash my hands, head dipped

Defeat.

I walk out of the bathroom only to find him (from what I could gather, or rather I just hoped) still sleeping.

Sweet!! Back to bed with a clear conscience.

By this point it’s pretty late and I’m getting tired.

By the time I wake up he’s already gone.

I check the window and just by freaky coincidence I catch sight of him walking away.

BYE!!

I start to gather my things and then I get really bored...

TV it is.

After scrolling through what seemed endless news channels I settle for a kids cartoon broadcast

Pingu. Score. Loved that show as a kid.

Then I remembered Pingu only ever lasts a solid five minutes...

Beyblades....ugh.

I watch another solid couple hours of TV then decide I might go insane, grab my things and head for the lobby.

I checkout and hand the clerk my room keys, ready to waste what should have been ten hours

I stop by the grocery store, grab some snacks for the flight, bum around a clothing store, then head over to Carls Jr.

I’m not a big breakfast person so I kill about an hour and then order my food.

I tried to take my time eating it but it was way too tasty

It’s about noon when I toss the last hash brown into my trap and sink down into my seat, bracing myself for the potential food coma.

Then I realize I’m in a fast food restaurant will all my luggage, and a nap probably isn’t appropriate.

Back to the hotel.

I figured a nap in the lobby was better than a nap on a fast food restaurant bench.

Yea?

Yea. But I still had six hours to kill before I should even consider walking to the airport.

So…. Bored....

I’m nowhere near any beaches.

There’s rainfall in the forecast anyways.

No Wi-Fi.

My phone, iPod, and tablet are all below 20% battery life

I don’t even remember what the heck I did but I made it through, collecting a couple glances and funny looks from incoming and outgoing hotel guests

The clerk even came and asked me if I was waiting for a room key.

Thank you concerned citizen :)

You’re nice

But no I’m just alone in your country with nothing else to do.

Carry on.

The time comes for me to walk over and as I’m walking I come to the conclusion that my small carry on suitcase wasn’t engineered to handle bumps around sharp corners.

I found myself impatiently stopping, turning and re-adjusting my suitcase several times along the five minute walk.

Feeling like an impatient mother whose child doesn't want to walk, I finally arrive at the airport

(Five minutes, painful I know)

I fuss with the check-in bag tags and forms and make it upstairs, backpack and passport at the ready.

I browse the shops just because I feel like it, sipping from my water bottle every once in a while.

But not too much to spoil the doom that is my 12 hour flight out of NZ

I check my surroundings and people watch to evaluate the situation, and decide I may as well go through customs.

There’s a cute new family in front of me doing what appears to be some last minute re checking of the flight essentials.

I relax.

All is well with me and my backpack.

Memories of the trip run through my mind.

Beaches.

Caves.

Mountains.

Green EVERYWHERE.

Poor dehydrated friends.

*oh, getting thirsty*

Wait.... OOPS!! Gotta drink the water!!

So much for not spoiling the flight...

I get through customs and find a spot to sit

I want to sleep, so I give it my best shot and get nowhere.

Hmm... bookstore!

It’s been a while since I bought a good book, and they made it too easy with their big sign advertising a top 50 reccomended books list.

*yes I succumbed to the classic retail marketing trap.

What of it? at least I did it with my eyes completely open.*

So I wander through the aisles, reading the first couple paragraphs of every few books till I settle on one that draws me in.

*if you’re curious it was The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown. Who also wrote The Da Vinci Code*

No more than a couple pages in I hear an announcement on the PA, and I brush it off like all the rest.

Then I realize it was for my flight.... oops...

I take a gander at the flight schedule board ahead of me, and right next to my flight number it said

RELAX

Ok. Cool. So I do the exact opposite.

I start second guessing what I heard, looking around frantically

Then I look at the board again, comparing it to my boarding pass.

Hmm... odd

The time on my pass said 20:30...

But the board said 22:45...

Hmm... I do some quick math and a slow panic starts to settle...

With my new flight time plugged in I would be scheduled to land in LA at 14:00

K... cool.

Except boarding for my connection is supposed to be at 13:45....

UUUUMMMMM

CRAP

I run over to the help desk and he’s looking at me like I have bright blue skin and a peacock on my noggin or something

You’re fine he says, you’ve still got 25 mins till boarding.

And I’m thinking, ok you clearly don’t understand my problem

So I go off to boarding in hopes of finding someone who can help.

There are lines everywhere...

I pick one at random. Hoping to goodness it’s the right one.

Nope. Change lines.

There we go

The two ladies in line in front of me seem to know each other and are going on about window seats

One of which seems really upset and the other seems to be attempting to calm her down

The mad one gets up to the counter and rips the lady a freshie...

I paid for a window seat and I KNOW B is not a window seat. You lied. You shouldn’t lie. Don’t lie.

Blah blah blah

And I’m thinking poor clerk

I feel your pain fellow retail associate, I feel your pain.

The lady behind her, much more cheerfuly walks up just kinda laughs and points back at her friend same problem

Then it’s my turn

She seems a tad flustered from her previous encounter but is hiding it well, so I do my best to be pleasant

She tells me my flight will be rescheduled but only after my current plane leaves so they can get a fair estimate of my arrival

Makes sense

All is well and I finally relax.

Then I see the line.. I walk back through the airport

In about a minutes time I’ve reached the end.

Keeping in mind I walk fast and I just want to get on that plane and out.

So long...

But luckily it moved fast

*this is getting really long.... sorry*

In flight I watched a couple movies to pass time.

But remember that bottle of water?

Yea.

So everyone is sleeping, seats reclined and all

And I have to pee.

I evaluate, and decide on a plan of attack.

Stepping on only the armrests, I walk over the two people next to me

Safe. Nobody stirred

NINJA

Then I peed.

Safely back in my seat I caught some shut eye.

Watched a couple movies after I woke up and we were finally in L.A.

About an hour and a half after planned landing time :/

I get through the grueling customs line

Grab my bag

Ask a couple people where to go to get redirected to my next flight.

Wait patiently and get tugged around a couple times.

Make friends with a nice older couple who helped the time go by.

And then it was my turn...

I walk up to the counter with a cheery demeanor

That starts to fade when I more clearly understand what she's saying to me.

"Your connecting flight was missed and there won't be another one flying out until tomorrow morning at seven."

I've been waiting to get home now for roughly a day and I'm too emotionally spent to care what everybody else thinks of me right now...

Tears start to well up in my eyes.

"Just go out the doors and look for the big red Hilton sign"

She had to repeat it to me a few times before I could bring myself to walk off.

If you've ever been in the L.A. Airport you know it's extremely overwhelming..

So after a couple tries at figuring out where the heck this big red sign is, I go to the customer service desk and ask politely for directions.

He looks at me like I've made some extremely uncommon mistake and rudely points it out to me.

Gee thanks. The tears in my eyes weren’t a big enough hint to you that im just having a bad day?

Rude.

I walk over and wait for the right shuttle to the Hilton Hotel.

By the time it arrives I'm pretty much composed, no more tears.

I get to the hotel and the clerk hands me my keys.

5th floor two bed room with a dinner and breakfast voucher.

I walk into my room and throw myself onto the bed.

Finally some room to breathe.

After a couple more emotional episodes I go to the lobby and Skype call my dad

He was unfortunately waiting for me at the Calgary airport...

I tried to reach him earlier but there was no way I could.

The Wi-Fi in the NZ airport is only good for an hour and I used it to email him before I realized I would be on a delayed flight home.

I go back upstairs to grab my meal vouchers.

At this point I’m not really that hungry cuz I’ve been snacking nervously on chocolate bars and crackers I had planned on bringing home... oops?

Looking through the menu I decide to order some wings, a pulled pork sandwich and a slice of apple pie.

I figured because I was in a fancy hotel restaurant the servings would be small... right?

I had $40 after all and I intended to use it.

So she brings me my wings.

Each wing was at least three inches long and an inch and a half wide at its meatiest section...

Uhoh...

I eat four and along comes my sandwich.

Solid eight inches long stuffed overflowing with pulled pork.

And the fries on the side?

About a serving and a half of Costco fries...

Crap...

I ate most of the sandwich.

Reaching frequently for my water to wash it down.

Then the pie.

Luckily the pie was the size I had hoped it would be.

That was gone in minutes.

I stayed in the restaurant for about another fifteen minutes until I was done most of my massive supper

Upstairs to shower.

Glorious....

Everything went smoothly from then on.

Other than once in the airplane having to go pee...

And having to wait like fifteen minutes in line for this older lady

I felt bad for her :(

I don’t ever want to have to pee on a plane pushing 60

So that’s my story.

Long

Drawn out

But oh well!!

I hope you guys all got a kick out of it!

Sorry it was so late. Life’s crazy these days!!

Perhaps one of these days ill catch you up a bit

Toodles!!