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Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Getting a Grip of Letting Go

As a continuation from a previous post, I’m now ok, on some really important fronts. How I got there is something I want to write about here.

Over the last three weeks I’ve been internally struggling with an issue that I couldn’t understand. Someone I care about made a choice that I didn’t agree with and I didn’t understand why they had made it. I had spent days upset and wondering why and how and what lead to it. I questioned every little thing I had discovered about the situation and analyzed it until it blew the situation wildly out of proportion.

Then one day I had a real heart to heart with my Heavenly Father asking him to help me to understand, or if anything help me to move past the struggle I was in the midst of.  I opened up my heart and poured out my deepest feelings in sincere prayer asking for help. And then it dawned on me; I have a choice.

I have a choice just like anybody else. I choose to be ok. Nobody else has the ability to make the choice of whether or not I am ok. That’s 100%, no doubt about it, in-arguably my choice. So I decided to make that choice. Regardless of whether the choice of my friend was right or wrong it was their choice, not mine, and in that sense isn't my concern. I had legitimate reasons to be upset at the choice, but regardless, spending my time upset at someone is selfish, and yet not even self serving. There are so many other emotions I could be experiencing instead. So I began to get a grip and let it go.

I’m moving forward with my life making decisions that positively affect my well-being. A really good friend of mine said to me when I approached them about my situation to ‘take good care of [myself] and make decisions just for [me].’ My life is still mine to live regardless of any person place or thing I come across. Holding on to anger does more damage than good, so why bother?

The state I’m in didn’t happen overnight. I was given several opportunities to re-evaluate myself and the way I was approaching the situation. One in particular was a talk (<click here if you want to read it) I gave in church last Sunday on charity. While preparing it I did a lot of deep thinking and consequently began to see that person in a different light than I had before. I began to see them with more charity, patience and understanding. I may never get a full understanding of what happened, but it’s not my business to know unless they choose to tell me.

They are still important to me, and probably always will be, but I've learned at least in this instance to get a grip and just let go. To be happy, focusing on the things in my life that i'm immeasurably grateful for. My family and friends who truly love me and want to see me happy. This gorgeous planet and all the beauty that unfolds in it. The gift of sight and hearing to enjoy every moment. The knowledge that as long as I'm trying my best to be Christlike that I'm going to be more than ok when it all comes down to the end.

We are all given the choice; the choice to live happily, unhappily, or anywhere in between. When it’s put that simply doesn’t it make sense to choose happiness? Let go of the pain. Let go of the hurt you might feel. Let go of what you might think you have a right to. Let go of the things that aren't pushing you forward in a positive direction.


I had to...
Later ;)

Charity

The other week in church I was assigned to give a talk and I figured I'd share it here too. I'm really glad I was able to give this talk, it put a couple important things back into perspective. Hope it helps you guys somehow too (I apologize in advance it's a longer read than usual).



If you were to ask google what the definition of charity is, the first answer it would give you would be “the voluntary giving of help, typically in the form of money, to those in need.” If you were to ask the bible dictionary what the definition of charity is, you would get something more along the lines of “The highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affection; the pure love of Christ,” and that’s the definition I want to focus on today. To expand on that definition a little further I want to open to the book of Matthew, chapter 19 vs 43-44 “Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. / But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” It’s a really difficult concept to swallow, loving those that give us no love in return, but if you really do focus on charity as the pure love of Christ, it’s the only way we can truly live to be like Him. He loves all of us, and each of us, unconditionally and therefore there is no limit or list of qualifications that we are put through to qualify for that pure love of Christ, so why do we see fit to create one when placing unrighteous judgement on others?

President Thomas S Monson in an article in a General Conference address in October in 2010 titled Charity Never Faileth related the following personal experience:
“Forty-seven years ago this general conference, I was called to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. At the time, I had been serving on one of the general priesthood committees of the Church, and so before my name was presented, I sat with my fellow members of that priesthood committee, as was expected of me. My wife, however, had no idea where to go and no one with whom she could sit and, in fact, was unable to find a seat anywhere in the Tabernacle. A dear friend of ours, who was a member of one of the general auxiliary boards and who was sitting in the area designated for the board members, asked Sister Monson to sit with her. This woman knew nothing of my call—which would be announced shortly—but she spotted Sister Monson, recognized her consternation, and graciously offered her a seat. My dear wife was relieved and grateful for this kind gesture. Sitting down, however, she heard loud whispering behind her as one of the board members expressed her annoyance to those around her that one of her fellow board members would have the audacity to invite an “outsider” to sit in this area reserved only for them. There was no excuse for her unkind behavior, regardless of who might have been invited to sit there. However, I can only imagine how that woman felt when she learned that the “intruder” was the wife of the newest Apostle. 
Mother Teresa, a Catholic nun who worked among the poor in India most of her life, spoke this profound truth: “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”  The Savior has admonished, “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.”  I ask: can we love one another, as the Savior has commanded, if we judge each other? And I answer—with Mother Teresa: no, we cannot.”

In a hymn I’m sure we all find familiar titled Love One Another it reads “As I have loved you, love one another. This new commandment; love one another. By this shall men know ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another” The words of this hymn are taken from John chapter 13 in verses 34 and 35. He’s speaking to his disciples as he washes their feet at the last supper. I don’t think that in his precious last moments with his beloved disciples he would waste his breath on a piece of advice that wasn’t meant to be taken seriously. I also don’t think that John would have written it into the scriptures if it wasn’t meant for us to hear and act upon. We, as the disciples and representatives of Christ and his church on the earth today, are meant to be loving towards one another both inside and outside of these walls, in the most pure and noble way, through the pure love of Christ, which is charity.

Sister Elaine L. Jack in an April 1992 General Conference address also titled Charity Never Faileth said the following in regards to the Relief Society:
Lucy Mack Smith, mother of the Prophet Joseph Smith, told the sisters of Relief Society in 1842, “We must cherish one another, watch over one another, comfort one another and gain instruction, that we may all sit down in heaven together.”
We are part of a grand whole. We need each other to make our sisterhood complete. When we reach out to clasp the hands of our sisters, we reach to every continent, for we are of every nation. We are bonded as we try to understand what the Lord has to say to us, what He will make of us. We speak in different tongues, yet we are a family who can still be of one heart. We work, play, give birth, nurture, dream dreams; we cry, pray, laugh, sometimes clap for joy, and find that mortality teaches us our need for our Savior, Jesus Christ.”

Now just in case the men in the room instinctively tuned out when they heard the words “sisters” or “relief society” I’m going to read that last bit again and paraphrase a little bit replacing those words because what she says is really important.

“We are part of a grand whole. We need each other to make the plan of happiness complete. When we reach out to clasp the hands of our brothers and sisters, we reach to every continent, for we are of every nation. We are bonded as we try to understand what the Lord has to say to us, what He will make of us. We speak in different tongues, yet we are a family who can still be of one heart. We work, play, nurture, dream dreams; we cry, pray, laugh, sometimes clap for joy, and find that mortality teaches us our need for our Savior, Jesus Christ.”

We need each other. Our Heavenly Father doesn’t expect us to walk through this life alone, He sends us, his servants, to comfort one another when we need it most. In order for this to work, He needs us to remember that in his eyes we are all important and special. From the cashiers and store clerks at the local Walmart to the Political leaders of the world, we are all in this together. We can’t see into another’s past present or future to know exactly where and why they are doing what they are in that moment.

A few days ago I was driving through a quiet neighborhood getting practice behind the wheel, as I’m a little behind and as of yet and have been too nervous to get my license. With my father in the passenger seat I came up to a red light and shifted down to a stop. The light quickly turned green and as I attempted to shift back into first gear and cross the intersection I panicked, stalled and had to restart my car. Across the intersection from me was an older lady waiting to turn left. I had the right of way so technically speaking she had to wait for me. In her impatience she honked her horn and zoomed around the corner. I now being flustered because of being honked at took a minute to compose myself, got through the light and pulled into a neighbour’s driveway. My father, knowing I was upset by the situation drove the rest of the way home.

I don’t know that lady personally or what she had been going through that day. I could look at it on the surface and say that she was rude and shouldn’t have done what she did, or I could look at the situation with charity towards her. Maybe she recently lost her job, or a loved one. Maybe she was late for a really important meeting at work or picking up her sick child from school. She doesn’t know that I’m an unexperienced driver who hates standard transmissions and who is still learning how to get off the line. But having charity towards her doesn’t simply mean I tolerate her because I have to. No negative feelings can be associated with charity as it is the purest of all the forms of love.

Going back to the address from President Thomas S Monson he expressed his concern towards the need for charity in the following words:
“I consider charity—or “the pure love of Christ”—to be the opposite of criticism and judging. In speaking of charity, I do not at this moment have in mind the relief of the suffering through the giving of our substance. That, of course, is necessary and proper. Tonight, however, I have in mind the charity that manifests itself when we are tolerant of others and lenient toward their actions, the kind of charity that forgives, the kind of charity that is patient.
I have in mind the charity that impels us to be sympathetic, compassionate, and merciful, not only in times of sickness and affliction and distress but also in times of weakness or error on the part of others. There is a serious need for the charity that gives attention to those who are unnoticed, hope to those who are discouraged, aid to those who are afflicted. True charity is love in action. The need for charity is everywhere.
Needed is the charity which refuses to find satisfaction in hearing or in repeating the reports of misfortunes that come to others, unless by so doing, the unfortunate one may be benefited. 

In a hundred small ways, all of you wear the mantle of charity. Life is perfect for none of us. Rather than being judgmental and critical of each other, may we have the pure love of Christ for our fellow travelers in this journey through life. May we recognize that each one is doing her best to deal with the challenges which come [their] way, and may we strive to do our best to help out.”

Thanks for reading :)

Sunday, September 20, 2015

It's OK

I realized the other day that I’m so afraid of letting other people know that I’m not ok. Why? Am I afraid I’d be a burden? Yup. Am I afraid I’d be hurt more? Sometimes. Am I afraid nobody will care? Kinda, but the piece of the puzzle that I’m forgetting is that I’ve surrounded myself with people that would do anything for me. My pains aren’t burdens to them. We’re friends because we help each other. We laugh together, cry together, and everything in between. Wearing a mask around them is only doing more damage by shutting them off. They know me well enough to know when I’m not ok, so if I tell them I’m not, they wonder why I won’t tell them. At least I do when the roles are reversed.

So here I am, not ok, I’m hurting. I’m not being obnoxious or seeking attention from anybody, but I’m also not trying to give off any sort of illusion that my life is all rainbows and kittens. I have problems, struggles and painful life experiences, just like everyone else. I deal with them one day at a time, with the help of my closest friends and family. I get overwhelmed a lot by my emotions and that can be really embarrassing, but that’s ok. It’s ok that sometimes I cry at the most inopportune times. It’s ok that sometimes I am so emotionally exhausted I can’t bear to do much in a day. It’s ok because there are also days when I’m so blissfully happy that my cheeks hurt at the end of the day from laughing and enjoying myself. It’s ok because I know who I am and that I’m important and unique and loved by so many people. It’s ok because my life isn’t about the bad days, it’s about the days that make me want to fly. The days that are so full of wonder that I can hardly sleep the next night because I’m replaying it in my mind over and over again.

So please promise me you won’t read this, or anything else of mine and compare your life wondering why mine is so wonderful and yours isn’t. Your life is wonderful if you look at it that way. Nobody likes wearing their problems on their faces. We are all going through different things at different times.

So here’s to the good days and the great people in my life. I’m not ok, and that’s ok.

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:) Cheers