Music. Is. Good.

OK so this is sort of a continuation of yesterday's rants, except this time i am going to try an be a bit more specific

I'll Be Ok

Mcfly... this song has some inspiring words, its cool. just tell yourself "i'll be ok". its that simple. it doesnt matter what happens to you. yea sometimes times get tough and its reeeeallly hard. but like i said yesterday, everything happens for a reason. you just have to look at the bigger picture. but at the same time you cant loose focus on the smaller things in life. the simple things. the here and now. You can't waste your precious time focusing on the negative, there is so much to be happy about!! Which brings me to the next song.

The Heart of Life

John Mayer... fantastic.. he's so right. the heart of life is good. yea sometimes life looks ugly, and well it probably is. but underneath it all, there is something beautiful. you just have to keep reminding yourself that the good things outweigh the bad. no matter how bad it gets. and its going to be hard. guaranteed. but it will be worth it. There is not a better goal in life that i have made than that of reminding myself to be happy. wake up every morning with a smile on my face, and go to bed just the same. on to song number three :)

Happy

Leona Lewis... what a babe. the chorus of this one always gets me... so what?? so what if this world pushes me off the edge?? i am stronger than that!! i have the potential to change the world. i just have to open my eyes to the possibilities. but that doesnt go without saying that it isnt easier when you have people to back you up. standing alone is hard. its really hard. but when you believe in something, when you stand out from a crowd when nobody else will, something changes in you. i know from experience.

im LDS for those of you who dont know, and i grew up going to school where i was an extreme minority. i was the only student of my faith attending a school with about 3000 kids. yeah. scary. everybody knew me for my beliefs. and at first i hated being alone... i hated being different from everybody else. but then it hit me. why is it so bad to be different? why is it so important that i fit in? i have an amazing life with family and friends that love me, what do i need the approval and acceptance of others for? and heres another song bringing us back up and happy again :)

A Girl's Life

Megan and Liz... man i love these girls. so inspiring, and they are gorgeous. and they have am zing standards. love. love. love. (and yes in case you were wondering they do mention twilight in the second verse :D) being a girl these days isnt easy either, but man is it fun!!! i love being a girl!! i love makeup, i love pink, i love painting my nails, i love playing with my hair, i love doing girly things. I LOVE BEING A GIRL! i am perfect through my imperfections :)

Freckles

Natasha Bedingfield... why waste a second not loving who you are??? your imperfections are what makes you you!! dont ever give up on yourself. EVER! you are worth everything in this world. YOU are wonderful. YES YOU! believe in yourself :) you are loved :)

anyways. later everybody!! remember to keep your chin up and always ALWAYS be happy.

rant. Rant. RANT. '

So these past few weeks have been just chalk full of surprises and unexpected happenings. i guess life is just unfolding in a way i didn't expect it to. but its a good thing. i am a firm believer in the phrase "whatever happens happens for a reason." that sentence runs through my mind all the time. everything that happens to me, whether it makes me happy, sad, or even both, is there to build me up and make me stronger.
so i am going through a sort of life changing phase i guess. i graduated from high school almost two years ago (whoah.... it went by way too fast) and that's not even a long time in the grand scheme of things. but either way i am earning now more than ever that you really have to embrace the time you're given
so many of my friends are growing up and getting married, and that scares me. yea one day i want to get married, like REEEAALLY wanna, but i am nowhere ready atm... i have to get out of the house and just live my single life before that's not an option. so I'm going to live with my sister. i am going to have fun, and i am not going to care what anybody thinks of me, but me.
i am so excited to go live with my sister. she has always been there to talk to. even though she has lived miles and miles away these past few years, i could always call her to talk and vent about stupid boys. haaaahhhh stupid boys.
i am also leaving this gosh darn place to get away from boys in a sort of way for a while. i need to focus on improving myself instead of impressing others. for so long i have been hooked on flaunting my talents. and yea I'm talented but what does it matter??? my talents are supposed to be there so i can help others not so i can shove them in other peoples faces (not so harshly though haha, or at least i don't think so) i am by no means saying i am rude in doing so, i am just saying i am proud of what i do, and i enjoy showing it. but aaaaannnyyyways.... haha
i am excited to go spend time in my sisters home. play barbies almost 24/7 with my nieces, and just have fun. just live it up. i am only going to be single for so long, and i want to make the most of it.
i am going to live right here, right now. for me.
but in the mean time, i gotta go make some body's day just that much better :) love you all!!!!

Being "Mormon"

Hahahahaha this just made my day :) i figured i would share it :)

Perfect At Home Manicure Tutorial

oh my heck i need that manicure gel stuff.....

Blindsided.

Yes folks. this week i have been blind sided. whether it was meant or not, tears have just kept coming. and ive tried to let it all go, but its not going anywhere. and i apologize it this post is completely and utterly depressing. but i have to let off some steam. and if the dame who blindsided me is reading this thinking hmm, what is she talking about? well read on. that is if you really want to know what it was i was so sick about yesterday.

not even a week ago, i laid eyes on a gorgeous young man. me being absolutely full of butterflies about it and excited to get to know him suuuuuper well, told my cousin who is roughly 6 months younger than i. well we went about the activity we had been participating in that night, me not being able to keep my eyes off him, and her being her natural self, from what i could tell atleast.
so then the gist of the events were over and it was time to cool down with some refreshments and just socialize, so as i debated with myself whether or not to talk to him and get a word in there somewhere, i noticed that my cousin had been comfortably chatting it up with him for quite some time. (now if you know my cousin thats pretty normal, she is just really social. but shes also a big flirt, and i dont think she realizes, but i brushed it off) i joined in the conversation! it was grand, we chatted for i dont even know how long... then i had to leave a little early. so, being part french i turned to my cousin and 'secretly' said right in front of him "HES SO CUTE!!!!" in french of course... haha. and then i went home. (i had to work early the next morning)
so whatever i go about my week completely flabergasted. then i find out he asked her for her number... hmmm.... something is a little off. they went on a date. not completely harmless, but she couldnt just say no to the guy. she had told me that she wasnt interested, and she swore in all honesty that all she wanted was her missionary. so again i brushed it off. (i could be mixing up the events a little, but the ones im mixing arent terribly pivotal)
then friday rolled around and there was a ysa dance, and i was stoked. ***k wait a minute lets back up a little. before monday rolled around at the beginning of the story, i had just finished dealing with major boy drama. like aaaabbbsolutely used. i being the idiot girl believed he actually cared for me like more than a friend with benefits. hah. wrong... so i was advised to find someone to move on to. let go of user boy and find somebody better to focus my attention on, and that is what i decided to do with, (well lets just call him john) on monday. ok now we can continue... hah.*** so now that you know all that, alright its friday, so four days after we both officially met him.
she approached me with the news of the date, and that there could possibly be something there. i thought wahetever just sparks, ive still got a chance. i saw them slow dancing and all that. and with all the drama going on i ran to the bathroom and cried.... i could hold it in anymore.... i was hurt. she knew i liked him. and i did tell her that it was fine and that she could go ahead and continue going on. but really inside i was killing myself for telling her that... i liked him. freak why did i like him?!?! i had only known him for four days, i felt like a total idiot.... she came to the bathroom to comfort me. telling me i was beautiful and that i would find my prince charming and that idiot user boy deserved a punch in the face (which he did) as the night went on all i could see was my cousin and 'john'. and it killed me. i had to keep running to the bathroom and composing myself.
that night i told her, if she liked him to go for him. but i knew she had her missionary, and i hoped she would reject my proposal. but instead when i got a thankyou my heart sunk... but i couldnt tell her. she was happy. and i love her. i want her to be happy. yea i was bauling my face off. but i figured whatever shes got him and im just a shadow that waltzed by unnoticed. not the first time....
then saturday rolled around. still felt like a torpedo just ramed me in the stomach. then it was sunday. and i was surfing facebook... i saw my cousin had updated her relationship status to "in a relationship".... all through church i cried... every word of every song. every sound. i couldnt stop. and she was right there next to me, holding his hand....... and it killed me..... i couldnt hide it. i sucked at hiding it. but i kept my mouth shut. cuz she was laughing, she was happy, and i didnt matter. i was leaving in a month or so anyways.
she texted me later that day asking what was wrong. i told her i didnt want to talk about it, and i didnt. i knew i would get mad at her. and i didnt want to get mad at her. i figured as long as i didntsunday evening rolled around and i was still a teary mess.... so i slept it off. and now its today
before i started writing this post i went to read hers, cuz she had blogged about it (which is why i decided to blog about it) and the words in that post really pierced me.... i wont dish cuz those are her personal feelings and details. i will just say that it wasnt easy to read.
and thats my story. blindsided by my cousin who swore she wasnt interested. and of course she didnt mean it, she didnt mean to fall for him. but she knew i liked him. and she knew that what was going on between the two of them was really bugging me. but it kept going. i never even had a chance with him. and thats the end. i have no more words.

a new year, a new start.

oh hey there. happy new years everyone! i have almost survived a full week. im already getting tired of this end of the world news. dangit. oh well. im not afraid. i have everything i need. and besides, one of my resolutions this year is to be more positive :) so here i go into the new year, the year i finish my second decade. weeeiiiirdd.. it feels like just yesterday i spelt my name with every letter i could muster up. some of which im pretty sure didnt even exist. so technically i was probably not even spelling my name. but i sure felt smart!! so i guess thats what counts :) ooh wanna see my new years nails!! i love them!!


there they are. fireworks!! i didnt even get to see fireworks this year.. lame... aaaannnddd i didnt get a new years kiss. darn. oh well. positive... hah i danced until my legs were sore!! yaaaaayy calorie burning!!!
well i hope every body's new years was simply glorious. have a wonderful year everyone!! :)