Getting a Grip of Letting Go

As a continuation from a previous post, I’m now ok, on some really important fronts. How I got there is something I want to write about here.

Over the last three weeks I’ve been internally struggling with an issue that I couldn’t understand. Someone I care about made a choice that I didn’t agree with and I didn’t understand why they had made it. I had spent days upset and wondering why and how and what lead to it. I questioned every little thing I had discovered about the situation and analyzed it until it blew the situation wildly out of proportion.

Then one day I had a real heart to heart with my Heavenly Father asking him to help me to understand, or if anything help me to move past the struggle I was in the midst of.  I opened up my heart and poured out my deepest feelings in sincere prayer asking for help. And then it dawned on me; I have a choice.

I have a choice just like anybody else. I choose to be ok. Nobody else has the ability to make the choice of whether or not I am ok. That’s 100%, no doubt about it, in-arguably my choice. So I decided to make that choice. Regardless of whether the choice of my friend was right or wrong it was their choice, not mine, and in that sense isn't my concern. I had legitimate reasons to be upset at the choice, but regardless, spending my time upset at someone is selfish, and yet not even self serving. There are so many other emotions I could be experiencing instead. So I began to get a grip and let it go.

I’m moving forward with my life making decisions that positively affect my well-being. A really good friend of mine said to me when I approached them about my situation to ‘take good care of [myself] and make decisions just for [me].’ My life is still mine to live regardless of any person place or thing I come across. Holding on to anger does more damage than good, so why bother?

The state I’m in didn’t happen overnight. I was given several opportunities to re-evaluate myself and the way I was approaching the situation. One in particular was a talk (<click here if you want to read it) I gave in church last Sunday on charity. While preparing it I did a lot of deep thinking and consequently began to see that person in a different light than I had before. I began to see them with more charity, patience and understanding. I may never get a full understanding of what happened, but it’s not my business to know unless they choose to tell me.

They are still important to me, and probably always will be, but I've learned at least in this instance to get a grip and just let go. To be happy, focusing on the things in my life that i'm immeasurably grateful for. My family and friends who truly love me and want to see me happy. This gorgeous planet and all the beauty that unfolds in it. The gift of sight and hearing to enjoy every moment. The knowledge that as long as I'm trying my best to be Christlike that I'm going to be more than ok when it all comes down to the end.

We are all given the choice; the choice to live happily, unhappily, or anywhere in between. When it’s put that simply doesn’t it make sense to choose happiness? Let go of the pain. Let go of the hurt you might feel. Let go of what you might think you have a right to. Let go of the things that aren't pushing you forward in a positive direction.

I had to...

Later ;)

Charity

The other week in church I was assigned to give a talk and I figured I'd share it here too. I'm really glad I was able to give this talk, it put a couple important things back into perspective. Hope it helps you guys somehow too (I apologize in advance it's a longer read than usual).

If you were to ask google what the definition of charity is, the first answer it would give you would be “the voluntary giving of help, typically in the form of money, to those in need.” If you were to ask the bible dictionary what the definition of charity is, you would get something more along the lines of “The highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affection; the pure love of Christ,” and that’s the definition I want to focus on today. To expand on that definition a little further I want to open to the book of Matthew, chapter 19 vs 43-44 “Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. / But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” It’s a really difficult concept to swallow, loving those that give us no love in return, but if you really do focus on charity as the pure love of Christ, it’s the only way we can truly live to be like Him. He loves all of us, and each of us, unconditionally and therefore there is no limit or list of qualifications that we are put through to qualify for that pure love of Christ, so why do we see fit to create one when placing unrighteous judgement on others?

President Thomas S Monson in an article in a General Conference address in October in 2010 titled “Charity Never Faileth” related the following personal experience:

“Forty-seven years ago this general conference, I was called to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. At the time, I had been serving on one of the general priesthood committees of the Church, and so before my name was presented, I sat with my fellow members of that priesthood committee, as was expected of me. My wife, however, had no idea where to go and no one with whom she could sit and, in fact, was unable to find a seat anywhere in the Tabernacle. A dear friend of ours, who was a member of one of the general auxiliary boards and who was sitting in the area designated for the board members, asked Sister Monson to sit with her. This woman knew nothing of my call—which would be announced shortly—but she spotted Sister Monson, recognized her consternation, and graciously offered her a seat. My dear wife was relieved and grateful for this kind gesture. Sitting down, however, she heard loud whispering behind her as one of the board members expressed her annoyance to those around her that one of her fellow board members would have the audacity to invite an “outsider” to sit in this area reserved only for them. There was no excuse for her unkind behavior, regardless of who might have been invited to sit there. However, I can only imagine how that woman felt when she learned that the “intruder” was the wife of the newest Apostle. 

Mother Teresa, a Catholic nun who worked among the poor in India most of her life, spoke this profound truth: “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”  The Savior has admonished, “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.”  I ask: can we love one another, as the Savior has commanded, if we judge each other? And I answer—with Mother Teresa: no, we cannot.”

In a hymn I’m sure we all find familiar titled Love One Another it reads “As I have loved you, love one another. This new commandment; love one another. By this shall men know ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another” The words of this hymn are taken from John chapter 13 in verses 34 and 35. He’s speaking to his disciples as he washes their feet at the last supper. I don’t think that in his precious last moments with his beloved disciples he would waste his breath on a piece of advice that wasn’t meant to be taken seriously. I also don’t think that John would have written it into the scriptures if it wasn’t meant for us to hear and act upon. We, as the disciples and representatives of Christ and his church on the earth today, are meant to be loving towards one another both inside and outside of these walls, in the most pure and noble way, through the pure love of Christ, which is charity.

Sister Elaine L. Jack in an April 1992 General Conference address also titled “Charity Never Faileth” said the following in regards to the Relief Society:

“Lucy Mack Smith, mother of the Prophet Joseph Smith, told the sisters of Relief Society in 1842, “We must cherish one another, watch over one another, comfort one another and gain instruction, that we may all sit down in heaven together.”

We are part of a grand whole. We need each other to make our sisterhood complete. When we reach out to clasp the hands of our sisters, we reach to every continent, for we are of every nation. We are bonded as we try to understand what the Lord has to say to us, what He will make of us. We speak in different tongues, yet we are a family who can still be of one heart. We work, play, give birth, nurture, dream dreams; we cry, pray, laugh, sometimes clap for joy, and find that mortality teaches us our need for our Savior, Jesus Christ.”

Now just in case the men in the room instinctively tuned out when they heard the words “sisters” or “relief society” I’m going to read that last bit again and paraphrase a little bit replacing those words because what she says is really important.

“We are part of a grand whole. We need each other to make the plan of happiness complete. When we reach out to clasp the hands of our brothers and sisters, we reach to every continent, for we are of every nation. We are bonded as we try to understand what the Lord has to say to us, what He will make of us. We speak in different tongues, yet we are a family who can still be of one heart. We work, play, nurture, dream dreams; we cry, pray, laugh, sometimes clap for joy, and find that mortality teaches us our need for our Savior, Jesus Christ.”

We need each other. Our Heavenly Father doesn’t expect us to walk through this life alone, He sends us, his servants, to comfort one another when we need it most. In order for this to work, He needs us to remember that in his eyes we are all important and special. From the cashiers and store clerks at the local Walmart to the Political leaders of the world, we are all in this together. We can’t see into another’s past present or future to know exactly where and why they are doing what they are in that moment.

A few days ago I was driving through a quiet neighborhood getting practice behind the wheel, as I’m a little behind and as of yet and have been too nervous to get my license. With my father in the passenger seat I came up to a red light and shifted down to a stop. The light quickly turned green and as I attempted to shift back into first gear and cross the intersection I panicked, stalled and had to restart my car. Across the intersection from me was an older lady waiting to turn left. I had the right of way so technically speaking she had to wait for me. In her impatience she honked her horn and zoomed around the corner. I now being flustered because of being honked at took a minute to compose myself, got through the light and pulled into a neighbour’s driveway. My father, knowing I was upset by the situation drove the rest of the way home.

I don’t know that lady personally or what she had been going through that day. I could look at it on the surface and say that she was rude and shouldn’t have done what she did, or I could look at the situation with charity towards her. Maybe she recently lost her job, or a loved one. Maybe she was late for a really important meeting at work or picking up her sick child from school. She doesn’t know that I’m an unexperienced driver who hates standard transmissions and who is still learning how to get off the line. But having charity towards her doesn’t simply mean I tolerate her because I have to. No negative feelings can be associated with charity as it is the purest of all the forms of love.

Going back to the address from President Thomas S Monson he expressed his concern towards the need for charity in the following words:

“I consider charity—or “the pure love of Christ”—to be the opposite of criticism and judging. In speaking of charity, I do not at this moment have in mind the relief of the suffering through the giving of our substance. That, of course, is necessary and proper. Tonight, however, I have in mind the charity that manifests itself when we are tolerant of others and lenient toward their actions, the kind of charity that forgives, the kind of charity that is patient.

I have in mind the charity that impels us to be sympathetic, compassionate, and merciful, not only in times of sickness and affliction and distress but also in times of weakness or error on the part of others. There is a serious need for the charity that gives attention to those who are unnoticed, hope to those who are discouraged, aid to those who are afflicted. True charity is love in action. The need for charity is everywhere.

Needed is the charity which refuses to find satisfaction in hearing or in repeating the reports of misfortunes that come to others, unless by so doing, the unfortunate one may be benefited. 

In a hundred small ways, all of you wear the mantle of charity. Life is perfect for none of us. Rather than being judgmental and critical of each other, may we have the pure love of Christ for our fellow travelers in this journey through life. May we recognize that each one is doing her best to deal with the challenges which come [their] way, and may we strive to do our best to help out.”

Thanks for reading :)

It's OK

I realized the other day that I’m so afraid of letting other people know that I’m not ok. Why? Am I afraid I’d be a burden? Yup. Am I afraid I’d be hurt more? Sometimes. Am I afraid nobody will care? Kinda, but the piece of the puzzle that I’m forgetting is that I’ve surrounded myself with people that would do anything for me. My pains aren’t burdens to them. We’re friends because we help each other. We laugh together, cry together, and everything in between. Wearing a mask around them is only doing more damage by shutting them off. They know me well enough to know when I’m not ok, so if I tell them I’m not, they wonder why I won’t tell them. At least I do when the roles are reversed.

So here I am, not ok, I’m hurting. I’m not being obnoxious or seeking attention from anybody, but I’m also not trying to give off any sort of illusion that my life is all rainbows and kittens. I have problems, struggles and painful life experiences, just like everyone else. I deal with them one day at a time, with the help of my closest friends and family. I get overwhelmed a lot by my emotions and that can be really embarrassing, but that’s ok. It’s ok that sometimes I cry at the most inopportune times. It’s ok that sometimes I am so emotionally exhausted I can’t bear to do much in a day. It’s ok because there are also days when I’m so blissfully happy that my cheeks hurt at the end of the day from laughing and enjoying myself. It’s ok because I know who I am and that I’m important and unique and loved by so many people. It’s ok because my life isn’t about the bad days, it’s about the days that make me want to fly. The days that are so full of wonder that I can hardly sleep the next night because I’m replaying it in my mind over and over again.

So please promise me you won’t read this, or anything else of mine and compare your life wondering why mine is so wonderful and yours isn’t. Your life is wonderful if you look at it that way. Nobody likes wearing their problems on their faces. We are all going through different things at different times.

So here’s to the good days and the great people in my life. I’m not ok, and that’s ok.

:) Cheers

Tea and Cream. A DIY

Hello again!!

It's no surprise to those of you who actually read my blog that I yet again fell off the blogosphere for an extended period of time. But I'm here now so let's move past that shall we? K cool.

I'm here writing today because I am in need of a cream lace dress. A close friend of mine is getting married in less than two months and I was asked to be a bridesmaid *pause for imaginary applause*. I couldn't be more excited for her!! I'm honored to be by her side on her big day.

One problem.

I'm on a tight budget because I'm doing my own saving and every penny counts. So, I did some internet digging and some closet digging to come up with a solution. Which brings us to the topic of this post. I already owned a white lace dress that I'd only worn a couple times and decided to find out if i could somehow get it to be a little less white. Bridesmaids in white is a no.

So I discovered that I could use black tea to dye my dress, super cheap and easy. 

Here's how I did it:

First off I'll give you a list of the things i used

-earl grey Lipton black tea (four bags)

-tea infuser (optional)

-water

-salad tongs

-rag

-large pot (bigger is better)

-sink ready with cold water

-bleach small container and gloves

-blow dryer (optional)

-stove top and kitchen sink

-white clothing item (preferably cotton for better dyeing result)

So, to start off, I HIGHLY reccomend that if you're going to replicate this you wash your garment thoroughly, whether it's new and you've still got the tags on or you've worn it and sweat in it a couple times, you need to make sure you get rid of any chemicals that are currently on the fabric, they WILL change the way the dye takes.

Fill up a pot of water as high as you can without worrying about it overflowing (about an inch below the lip) and submerge your garment in the water to it's completely submerged and wet, this will ensure that the dye takes as evenly as possible.

Play with it for a bit making sure the water soaks everything and then wring it out and set it aside.

Put your tea bags into the infuser (if you have access to one big enough). This is to make sure none of the tea leaves escape the bag, although I'm sure they're designed not to I wanted to be extra cautious. Place the infuser in the pot and bring it to a boil. Watch and make sure it doesn't boil over, lower the heat if you have to. 

Once the pot of tea is steeped enough - how steeped it needs to be depends on your preference, darker tea means a darker dye, more tea bags mean a darker tea - this should only take about 5-10 minutes, bring the heat down to medium and take the tea bags and infuser out of the pot, then put the garment back in with your tongs. 

Continue to agitate the tea and move the garment around to make sure it dyes evenly. You may need to wipe up some stray tea with your rag, but no worries it won't stain your stove or counter if you clean it up as you go

After you feel you've reached a little darker than the color you want (it will fade a little bit with rinsing) I ended up having to wait 10-20 minutes, turn the heat off and wait another 10-15 minutes for the tea to cool a little bit

Take your pot of water over to the sink and carefully dump it out, don't burn yourself it will still be pretty hot. Keep one of the tea bags aside for later.Fill the sink with cold water and put your garment in to rinse off the tea. The cold water should help seal in the dye a little bit.

At this point you should check for uneven dye marks, and here's where the washing comes in. I didn't wash my dress before dyeing it and that's where these lovely stains came in. There was sweat that I couldn't see in the armpits and the tea took to that area like crazy, creating these nasty brown pit stains. Yum.

Thank goodness for bleach. But this won't make it perfect, just less noticeable, it turned out to be more of a yellow than the cream that the rest of the dress ended out, but the yellow won't be nearly as noticeable as the gross brown. 

I didn't get many pictures from here on out because my phone died but I'll do my best to explain. 

I took a small container and my rag, put on some gloves and got dabbing. As i dabbed I dipped the dress back into the water each time i was satisfied with the color to dilute the bleach and stop the process from turning the dress too white. Once I was done I gave the pits one final rinse.

The bleach still ended up whitening  some of the parts that weren't extra stained so at this point i took that tea bag i had set aside and dabbed it on the parts that needed to get darker. I'm not sure if it will stay but I didnt rinse it off after this step

 

I then plugged in my hair dryer and got to heat drying the dress outside of the dryer to avoid shrinkage and to help with yet again setting the dye.

All in all I'm pretty pleased with the way it turned out!! The stains under the arms aren't so bad once it's on and you cant even really see them in the pictures I took of it so I'm no devastated.

Here's a before and after against some white printer paper:

The lace shell was 80% cotton 20% nylon and the lining was 80% polyester 20% cotton so they dyed differently, but it's fine in this case.

Hoorah for DIY and saving a pretty penny! I couldn't find a single dress that was cream enough, long enough, and cheap enough to be what I needed, so four bucks to buy some tea and get a craft in to occupy myself was the perfect solution for me.

Till next time folks!

You Choose

Hello fellow internet surfers and blog followers, it's been too long since i poured my emotions into the carefully written sentences on this here blogisphere. It's good to be back regardless of how long I end up staying this time. In the time I've been gone I've lost and learned and loved and hurt, but it's been a journey I'm proud of taking, because after all I've been through, I'm still here.
I had made so many wonderful and great plans to be someone and go somewhere; go on a mission, travel the world, go volunteering. Yet every time I had made those decisions something got in my way of following through. I've gotten more and more upset about my current situation, not feeling like I amount to much next to acquaintances and close friends alike, until I decided to change my circumstance. I started getting out of the house more, whether it was to grocery shop, or walk around the block, or actually be around other people, leaving my house was a good start. I started shifting my perspective on my past and what I'd fought over, realizing that every bad day, road block or ignorant coworker brought me higher.
I made the choice to see the bright side of my trials. And I'm not telling you it came easy. I'm not going to run on giving you any false sense that being happy starts off easy, because it doesn't. Along with my choice to be positive I surrounded myself with positive people, and not jut positive people, but positive people who understood my hurdles. People who have walked through the same swamp with nothing but their flip flops and came out on the other side just like me.
Lots of people come and go in my life and I'm so grateful for what each one has taught me. Sometimes they leave due to some misunderstanding or even something that was genuinely under my control, but regardless of why they leave, it's their choice. I have no control over other people's actions, and to try and convince myself that I do was only making my mood worse if anything. I care a lot about people. If someone hurts, I hurt, especially if I've convinced myself It's my fault. I lose sleep, I can't eat, trying to figure out what I did and how I could have solved the problem.
Here's what I learnt.
Life goes on.
And I mean that in the most cheesy yet genuine fortune cookie way possible. Nobody else has control over what path you choose. Sure some people are extremely influential, but ultimately you can be in control in every circumstance. You choose where to go, who to be and what to do every second of every day. That's the last thing you want to hear when you're in a slum, trust me I get that. But you can't expect to move up if you're constantly looking down.
Sending love and good vibes your way!!
Till next time
xoxo

Fresh

Hey guuuuuys!!! I'm back!!!

I have been completely off the blogosphere this last year. I'm sure you were all just peachy without me, but I figured I should get on here more, I miss it truth be told!! I have words to say and I much prefer saying them here. And I know I've said it a few times and failed, but I really do want to blog more often. My life seems to become more organized when I take the time to think about its contents and reflect more on what does and doesn't need to be done now and in the future.

2014 was a year with a whole lot of challenges for me, and I'm excited to continue on into a new year. I'm not setting and lofty goals or anything like that, I just want to be a better me. If that means being better at doing laundry, or getting rid of the mounds of clothes I've collected, or knowing when to reach out to those in need, or just getting out of my house more. This year I'm going to be better to myself in any small or large way I can. Simple as that.

I realize it probably means next to nothing to be reading my personal goals for the new year, even I personally hate those posts. But that's exactly why I'm not posting it on any social media site, texting anybody, or anything like that. If you want to read it, it's complete up to you. And it's the same for me. I won't be able to improve myself unless I'm completely motivated to do it. Writing it down is a great first step.

So here goes. Taking my first steps into a new year with new opportunities. And I'm going to embrace as many as I can. Hopefully I'll come here and document some of them for you guys!

Till next time :) here's to a fresh start

OJ

Sometimes, you have expectations for your life. Good expectations. And you go about making choices, so those expectations are met.
But more often than not, you get a couple curve balls along the way. And you can't seem to understand why your plans aren't moving forward.
Life has given you an orange. And you're thinking to yourself, I don't know what to do with this orange, how the heck am I supposed to make lemonade with an orange? What the heck, I'm so mad. Thanks life, you're real swell.
But then through lessons learnt and experience gained you realize that that orange wasn't for lemonade. It was instead meant for a refreshing glass of OJ.
And it isn't until that moment that you can see the OJ was the better option anyways. You had just only learnt about the goodness of lemonade, it's not your fault.

So all in all, don't be discouraged if life doesn't go as planned. Don't stress, have a glass of OJ, and just be thankful. Every thought, experience, happiness, sadness, trial and triumph, happens for a reason. Don't let the moment discourage you from your future. It's brighter than you can tell.

Later all ;)

On the Outside: Through Rose Colored Glasses

hello again all y'all. been a while huh? sorry bout that. life is crazy busy these days. but that's another matter. on to the blog post.

i gave a talk in church the other day on the topic of friendship, and it's helped me put some thoughts together in a way i can express so that you might understand what i'm trying to get across.
if you wanted to read it, here it is:

The topic that I have been assigned to speak on today is friendship.

I am going to introduce my topic by sharing with you an account of one of Elder Marlin K Jensen’s personal experiences given in a conference address in the spring of 1999:

“Years ago when I was serving as a bishop, a recently converted family moved into our rural Utah community. These good people had joined the Church in the eastern United States and had been warmly fellowshipped and put to work in a small branch there. When they came to our larger, more-established ward, they somehow slipped through the cracks. Some of the family members, particularly the father, became disenchanted with the Church and its members.

One Sunday morning when I noticed the father was missing from priesthood meeting, I left the meetinghouse and drove to his home. He invited me in, and we had a very honest conversation about the struggle he was having with his new faith and neighbors. After exploring various possibilities for responding to his concerns, none of which seemed to appeal to him very much, I asked him with a tone of frustration in my voice just what we could do to help him. I’ve never forgotten his reply:

“Well, bishop,” he said (and I will need to paraphrase here slightly), “for heaven’s sake, whatever you do, please don’t assign me a friend.”

I learned a great lesson that day. No one wants to become a “project”; we all want spontaneously to be loved. And, if we are to have friends, we want them to be genuine and sincere, not “assigned.””

It is so important to be genuine when reaching out to others in our ward families. Often times as we go through life, our schedules get so over cluttered that we forget, and almost feel burdened by the basic need for friendship. And that need is so deeply rooted within us. Marlin K Jensen also said in the same talk (which I do recommend you go back and read) titled ‘Friendship: A Gospel Principle’

“I feel that friendship is a fundamental need of our world. I think in all of us there is a profound longing for friendship, a deep yearning for the satisfaction and security that close and lasting relationships can give. Perhaps one reason the scriptures make little specific mention of the principle of friendship is because it should be manifest quite naturally as we live the gospel.”

Each friendship develops in a different way and is unique to those involved. Everybody has different personal needs that friendship is designed to help alleviate. Whether it be a shoulder to lean on heavily, someone to call and chat with about nothing, someone  to remind you that you’re appreciated; when you start to get to know a person on a deeper level of trust and love, the spirit will manifest to you the things that that individual needs. And if you feel as though you can’t fill those needs on your own, pray and ask with sincerity what your heavenly father would do. Perhaps this friendship is meant to strengthen you as much as it is to strengthen the other, or maybe your heavenly father just needs someone to sincerely pray for them.

As I continued to read elder Jensen’s talk I came across a familiar scripture mastery in Moroni Chapter 7. And then ElderJensen did something that struck me as I was writing this talk. He switched just one word. Moroni Chapter 7 verse 45-47: And friendship suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things….Wherefore cleave unto friendship, which is the greatest of all, for all must fail-But friendship is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

Now those are some pretty strong words. When I read that scripture in that context a whole new window opened and I kind of had a light bulb moment. I’ve always known that friendships were important, but I never realized how profoundly important until that moment. Friendship in that context doesn’t count as a hello to your next door neighbour whenever they happen to cross your path or a passing glance in the hallway. Those things are great and you should do those, but every individual in and out of the gospel needs at least one true and lasting friend whom they can confide and trust in. Elder Richard G Scott at a BYU devotional in August of 1982 spoke of friendship, and he recounted this experience:

I participated in Church activities, but somehow felt I was always at the periphery. I would approach Mutual activities daydreaming of a glorious evening dancing with the most popular girls in the ward. The reality of each evening was quite different. As I sat on the sidelines and watched others enjoying themselves, I felt somehow left out, not part of the central group. The same occurred in school. Though I felt comfortable in the academic activities, the social and sport activities left me feeling alone and unwanted. It wasn’t until later in life that I realized it was largely my fault.

I have since learned that one cannot demand love and respect or require that the bonds of friendship and appreciation be extended as an unearned right. These blessings must be earned. They come from personal merit. Sincere concern for others, selfless service, and worthy example qualify one for such respect. All my rationalization that others had formed select groups and knowingly ruled out my participation was largely a figment of my imagination. Had I practiced correct principles, I need not have felt alone.

Joseph smith himself once said: Friendship is one of the grand fundamental principles of ‘Mormonism’. We are so privileged in this gospel to have an atmosphere conducive to making, growing and keeping lasting friendships with those who share our love of Christ. From young ages we are given multiple opportunities in scouts, young women's, young men's, relief society, priesthood, sunday school, church meetings and so much more, to reach, and be reached out to. But as Elder Scott recognized, we can not expect friendship from others if we do not first make an effort to be friendly. I know this first hand as I was extremely shy especially in my younger years and would wonder why I didn’t have very many truly best friends. I realized later on that it was only through mutual efforts that I found, and still have wonderful friendships.

This past Sunday was an extremely tough change for a lot of us, particularly myself. But as I talked with a good friend of mine about it on the drive home I became more and more excited to expand my group of friends and come to love the members of this new ward. I am not one who adjusts to change well, so for me to become so excited that early on is a pretty big deal. Our heavenly father knows us individually, he knows exactly what we need, and he often works through us to help one another, and when we act as instruments in his hands, we are granted the blessing of being the answer to someone else’s prayer. And I can’t help but see that as such an amazing blessing. Nothing could bring me more joy than to know that someone else’s prayers were answered, and their spirits lifted because of my actions. I have made friends that have been huge answers to my prayers in time of need, and knowing how relieved and cared for I felt in that moment, both by my Heavenly Father and my newest friend, makes the blessing of being on the giving end of that scale, so much more powerful.

Relating back to our ever cluttered schedule, Elder Jensen also said this:

There is a particular challenge we face as Latter-day Saints in establishing and maintaining friendships. Because our commitment to marriage, family, and the Church is so strong, we often feel challenged by constraints of time and energy in reaching out in friendship to others beyond that core group.

How selfish we can be. How unwilling to be inconvenienced, to give, to bless and be blessed. What kind of parents or neighbors or servants of the Lord Jesus Christ can we be without being a friend? In this information age, is not friendship still the best technology for sharing the truths and way of life we cherish? Is not our reluctance voluntarily to reach out to others in friendship a significant obstacle to helping God accomplish His eternal purposes?

Ouch. Wake up call much? Having a schedule with wholesome and important activities isn’t a bad thing, but being so distracted by worldly accomplishments that we forget to reach out to one another in love and service, is going against one of the most fundamental and important teachings of our Savior. And we cant forget to include those whom we come across that aren’t members of our faith. Our task in this life more than anything else, is to reach out and be a friend.

I have been blessed with the gift of great friendships in my life, and they have come through for me answering prayers time and time again. I really hope that I can be a friend to each of you, and that we all embrace this new change and become one in Christ. There is a special kind of peace that is achieved when a ward becomes a family, closely knit together in friendship.  I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and I’m excited to see what our Heavenly Father has in store, and I know that if we truly want to be tools in the hands of our Heavenly Father in bringing to pass His eternal purposes, we need only to be a friend.

so that was the talk. i was really excited to talk about this particular topic, because i have a lot of very strong opinions on it. one of them leads into the topic of this blog post. and that's reaching out to others regardless of apparent circumstance.

we generally tend to look at the lives of others through rose colored glasses, especially in comparison to our own. and we really shouldn't. just because i don't broadcast my issues on every social media site i'm signed up for, doesn't mean they don't exist. i'm not going to talk to you about my problems unless you genuinely ask me about them. take off your rose colored glasses and realize that everybody has issues just like you do, and their life is no better than yours.

relating to this is something that strikes a deeper chord with circumstances i've found myself in. i try my best to be friends with everybody. i love making new friends. its hard, but i try my darndest to include and be nice to those i meet. naturally one would think that because of that, i have a whole bunch of close friends that i can call to hang out at anytime. nuhun mister, you'd be wrong!

i feel like people assume, that just because someone seems to have it together, and appear popular on the surface, that they would already have been invited or are already busy doing something else instead. news flash. this is hardly ever the case. everybody gets lonely. even the truly "popular"ones.

from friends that i've talked to, it seems like being "popular" isn't exactly all its cracked up to be. yea sure you've got a ton of friends that look up to you and would love to come shopping with you if you offered. but let me ask you something. would you feel comfortable calling most of those people late at night when you just need a friend to talk to? or share your most troubling deep secrets in hopes that they'll understand and listen to you? i doubt it. there are probably a couple in that group of people that fall into that category, but they won't always be able to help you when you need them.

so here's my proposition; reach out. if ever you feel like you should call someone, call them up! send a happy text to random people in your contact list. perhaps even the ones you haven't talked to in years! i know that personally, if i got a text or invite from someone regardless of our standing as friends/acquaintances or the like, i would only be flattered. no harm can come from it!! so why is it so hard?

that's something i don't understand even for myself. so what do ya say, wanna take off your rose colored glasses with me? wanna reach out to those around you and be a friend?

later all :)

Dear Intimidated, Sincerely Shy

Hey all!! I'm sorry im so bad at blogging. my life isnt really all that interesting and i dont want to bore you with unimportant details! but its that time of year and i feel like publicly expressing my feelings!

So.
I'm single and im ok with it. yea i get lonely every once in a while. but that's not because im single, it's because of several other reasons all combined into one big frustrating UUUAAAGHHHH
A) I live in a small town without a car or license to get myself places to meet people outside of sunday meetings. that sucks, and i dont like not having a license. Practicing scares me though. i don't like the feeling of being nervous behind a big machine that could easily kill me or anybody else. not cool. but ill get there.
B) when i am in social situations, i only ever meet new people if i'm approached by them. I'm not the type of person to come up to you and talk to you unless i already know you. i'll smile if i see you in the hallway, but i wont make casual conversation.
C) sometimes when I'm invited out i honestly just want to stay at home and just enjoy my own company.

I'm lonely because I'm bad at making new friends. And that translates into singularity. you cant build a relationship without first building a friendship.

The title though is mostly focused on being single in relation to point B. I'm en extremely shy person before you get to know me. I am fun and energetic with people i know and am comfortable with but That's not everybody. And like i said it's hard for me to be social with new people unless they initiate the conversation. And that's a problem. Because also as previously mentioned, the only real social interaction i have these days is on sunday. and on sunday im wearing my sunday best, which usually includes a pretty high pair of heels, because it makes me feel confident in myself. but here's the issue. i'm already 5'10 and wearign heels puts me at eye level with my tallest guy friends. and that can be intimidating. so i say this.

Dear Intimidated,
I'm sorry I like to wear heels on sunday. I don't think it's fair for me not to be able to wear them. if they come in my size and i look good in them, I'm getting them. I'm sorry that even though I may appear it, I am not confident enough to come strike up a conversation with you about more than the weather. I really hope that we can come to some sort of agreement, I would really like to get to know you a lot better.
Sincerely, Shy.

Toodles

Stuck in L.A: A Long-winded Adventure Story

Well hello there fellow Internet stalkers, surfers and citizens of all kinds.

Today I am going to tell you a story.

Of a series of unfortunate events that have graced me with their presence on my way home.

'From where??' You ask

Different story. That's for later.

For now I'm allowing you to hopefully get some sort of comical relief from my pain. Consider yourself lucky Internet friends!!

As background to this story you must know that I took a two week trip to New Zealand with a group of friends. I'm not a huge traveller's, the opportunity just presented itself and I thought ah what the hey YOLO right? Except I hate that term... So I'm gonna say YOYO. You're only young once.

I had the money in my account and figured I would regret not going so I blew it all.

Alright enough background.

So the two weeks are coming to an end and everyone is leaving one at a time.

I had originally planned to sleep in the airport on the night of the 15th, but when I thought long and hard (solid hour) I realized it would be dumb of me when there's a spare bed in the room my final traveling buddy is staying in until early the next morning.

He would be leaving too early for me to notice him leave so it was just fine.

We went to bed early NZ time to help cushion the jet lag that would undoubtedly face us upon our arrival in a time zone 20 hrs ahead of the one we were currently staying in.

I quickly discovered however that I wasn't tired... And found myself trying so hard not to chuckle at the random noises coming from my pal in the other bed.

I was doing a great job at being quiet. The rustling of the sheets were pretty much the loudest noise I made.

And then.... my bladder...

I got the uncontrollable urge to pee

Darn...

So I lay there. Trying to evaluate the situation.

I tried to think back to the last time I had used the washroom... it wasn’t that long ago was it??

How loud was the flush? Loud enough to wake my peacefully sleeping roomie?

Nothing... maybe the flush wasn’t so loud? yeeea you’ll be fine!

So I compose myself, gathering what I can to accomplish my mission making as little noise as possible.

As I tiptoe out of bed and into the bathroom in the dark, visions of the Grinch stealing Christmas from the Whos in Whoville pop into my mind

Yea, as quiet as the Grinch who stole Christmas... good one *mental high-five*

*keeping in mind here it’s less than ten days till Christmas and I’ve just spent two weeks in summer weather. My Christmas fever is at an all-time high and it was really on my brain. Obviously...*

I close the door and turn the light on.

Phase one complete.

I get so caught up in my success that I go about my business and as a force of habit I flush without blinking...

WHAM!!!

CRAP!! I woke him up, I woke him up, I woke him up!!! Noooo!!

I wash my hands, head dipped

Defeat.

I walk out of the bathroom only to find him (from what I could gather, or rather I just hoped) still sleeping.

Sweet!! Back to bed with a clear conscience.

By this point it’s pretty late and I’m getting tired.

By the time I wake up he’s already gone.

I check the window and just by freaky coincidence I catch sight of him walking away.

BYE!!

I start to gather my things and then I get really bored...

TV it is.

After scrolling through what seemed endless news channels I settle for a kids cartoon broadcast

Pingu. Score. Loved that show as a kid.

Then I remembered Pingu only ever lasts a solid five minutes...

Beyblades....ugh.

I watch another solid couple hours of TV then decide I might go insane, grab my things and head for the lobby.

I checkout and hand the clerk my room keys, ready to waste what should have been ten hours

I stop by the grocery store, grab some snacks for the flight, bum around a clothing store, then head over to Carls Jr.

I’m not a big breakfast person so I kill about an hour and then order my food.

I tried to take my time eating it but it was way too tasty

It’s about noon when I toss the last hash brown into my trap and sink down into my seat, bracing myself for the potential food coma.

Then I realize I’m in a fast food restaurant will all my luggage, and a nap probably isn’t appropriate.

Back to the hotel.

I figured a nap in the lobby was better than a nap on a fast food restaurant bench.

Yea?

Yea. But I still had six hours to kill before I should even consider walking to the airport.

So…. Bored....

I’m nowhere near any beaches.

There’s rainfall in the forecast anyways.

No Wi-Fi.

My phone, iPod, and tablet are all below 20% battery life

I don’t even remember what the heck I did but I made it through, collecting a couple glances and funny looks from incoming and outgoing hotel guests

The clerk even came and asked me if I was waiting for a room key.

Thank you concerned citizen :)

You’re nice

But no I’m just alone in your country with nothing else to do.

Carry on.

The time comes for me to walk over and as I’m walking I come to the conclusion that my small carry on suitcase wasn’t engineered to handle bumps around sharp corners.

I found myself impatiently stopping, turning and re-adjusting my suitcase several times along the five minute walk.

Feeling like an impatient mother whose child doesn't want to walk, I finally arrive at the airport

(Five minutes, painful I know)

I fuss with the check-in bag tags and forms and make it upstairs, backpack and passport at the ready.

I browse the shops just because I feel like it, sipping from my water bottle every once in a while.

But not too much to spoil the doom that is my 12 hour flight out of NZ

I check my surroundings and people watch to evaluate the situation, and decide I may as well go through customs.

There’s a cute new family in front of me doing what appears to be some last minute re checking of the flight essentials.

I relax.

All is well with me and my backpack.

Memories of the trip run through my mind.

Beaches.

Caves.

Mountains.

Green EVERYWHERE.

Poor dehydrated friends.

*oh, getting thirsty*

Wait.... OOPS!! Gotta drink the water!!

So much for not spoiling the flight...

I get through customs and find a spot to sit

I want to sleep, so I give it my best shot and get nowhere.

Hmm... bookstore!

It’s been a while since I bought a good book, and they made it too easy with their big sign advertising a top 50 reccomended books list.

*yes I succumbed to the classic retail marketing trap.

What of it? at least I did it with my eyes completely open.*

So I wander through the aisles, reading the first couple paragraphs of every few books till I settle on one that draws me in.

*if you’re curious it was The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown. Who also wrote The Da Vinci Code*

No more than a couple pages in I hear an announcement on the PA, and I brush it off like all the rest.

Then I realize it was for my flight.... oops...

I take a gander at the flight schedule board ahead of me, and right next to my flight number it said

RELAX

Ok. Cool. So I do the exact opposite.

I start second guessing what I heard, looking around frantically

Then I look at the board again, comparing it to my boarding pass.

Hmm... odd

The time on my pass said 20:30...

But the board said 22:45...

Hmm... I do some quick math and a slow panic starts to settle...

With my new flight time plugged in I would be scheduled to land in LA at 14:00

K... cool.

Except boarding for my connection is supposed to be at 13:45....

UUUUMMMMM

CRAP

I run over to the help desk and he’s looking at me like I have bright blue skin and a peacock on my noggin or something

You’re fine he says, you’ve still got 25 mins till boarding.

And I’m thinking, ok you clearly don’t understand my problem

So I go off to boarding in hopes of finding someone who can help.

There are lines everywhere...

I pick one at random. Hoping to goodness it’s the right one.

Nope. Change lines.

There we go

The two ladies in line in front of me seem to know each other and are going on about window seats

One of which seems really upset and the other seems to be attempting to calm her down

The mad one gets up to the counter and rips the lady a freshie...

I paid for a window seat and I KNOW B is not a window seat. You lied. You shouldn’t lie. Don’t lie.

Blah blah blah

And I’m thinking poor clerk

I feel your pain fellow retail associate, I feel your pain.

The lady behind her, much more cheerfuly walks up just kinda laughs and points back at her friend same problem

Then it’s my turn

She seems a tad flustered from her previous encounter but is hiding it well, so I do my best to be pleasant

She tells me my flight will be rescheduled but only after my current plane leaves so they can get a fair estimate of my arrival

Makes sense

All is well and I finally relax.

Then I see the line.. I walk back through the airport

In about a minutes time I’ve reached the end.

Keeping in mind I walk fast and I just want to get on that plane and out.

So long...

But luckily it moved fast

*this is getting really long.... sorry*

In flight I watched a couple movies to pass time.

But remember that bottle of water?

Yea.

So everyone is sleeping, seats reclined and all

And I have to pee.

I evaluate, and decide on a plan of attack.

Stepping on only the armrests, I walk over the two people next to me

Safe. Nobody stirred

NINJA

Then I peed.

Safely back in my seat I caught some shut eye.

Watched a couple movies after I woke up and we were finally in L.A.

About an hour and a half after planned landing time :/

I get through the grueling customs line

Grab my bag

Ask a couple people where to go to get redirected to my next flight.

Wait patiently and get tugged around a couple times.

Make friends with a nice older couple who helped the time go by.

And then it was my turn...

I walk up to the counter with a cheery demeanor

That starts to fade when I more clearly understand what she's saying to me.

"Your connecting flight was missed and there won't be another one flying out until tomorrow morning at seven."

I've been waiting to get home now for roughly a day and I'm too emotionally spent to care what everybody else thinks of me right now...

Tears start to well up in my eyes.

"Just go out the doors and look for the big red Hilton sign"

She had to repeat it to me a few times before I could bring myself to walk off.

If you've ever been in the L.A. Airport you know it's extremely overwhelming..

So after a couple tries at figuring out where the heck this big red sign is, I go to the customer service desk and ask politely for directions.

He looks at me like I've made some extremely uncommon mistake and rudely points it out to me.

Gee thanks. The tears in my eyes weren’t a big enough hint to you that im just having a bad day?

Rude.

I walk over and wait for the right shuttle to the Hilton Hotel.

By the time it arrives I'm pretty much composed, no more tears.

I get to the hotel and the clerk hands me my keys.

5th floor two bed room with a dinner and breakfast voucher.

I walk into my room and throw myself onto the bed.

Finally some room to breathe.

After a couple more emotional episodes I go to the lobby and Skype call my dad

He was unfortunately waiting for me at the Calgary airport...

I tried to reach him earlier but there was no way I could.

The Wi-Fi in the NZ airport is only good for an hour and I used it to email him before I realized I would be on a delayed flight home.

I go back upstairs to grab my meal vouchers.

At this point I’m not really that hungry cuz I’ve been snacking nervously on chocolate bars and crackers I had planned on bringing home... oops?

Looking through the menu I decide to order some wings, a pulled pork sandwich and a slice of apple pie.

I figured because I was in a fancy hotel restaurant the servings would be small... right?

I had $40 after all and I intended to use it.

So she brings me my wings.

Each wing was at least three inches long and an inch and a half wide at its meatiest section...

Uhoh...

I eat four and along comes my sandwich.

Solid eight inches long stuffed overflowing with pulled pork.

And the fries on the side?

About a serving and a half of Costco fries...

Crap...

I ate most of the sandwich.

Reaching frequently for my water to wash it down.

Then the pie.

Luckily the pie was the size I had hoped it would be.

That was gone in minutes.

I stayed in the restaurant for about another fifteen minutes until I was done most of my massive supper

Upstairs to shower.

Glorious....

Everything went smoothly from then on.

Other than once in the airplane having to go pee...

And having to wait like fifteen minutes in line for this older lady

I felt bad for her :(

I don’t ever want to have to pee on a plane pushing 60

So that’s my story.

Long

Drawn out

But oh well!!

I hope you guys all got a kick out of it!

Sorry it was so late. Life’s crazy these days!!

Perhaps one of these days ill catch you up a bit

Toodles!!