Getting a Grip of Letting Go

As a continuation from a previous post, I’m now ok, on some really important fronts. How I got there is something I want to write about here.

Over the last three weeks I’ve been internally struggling with an issue that I couldn’t understand. Someone I care about made a choice that I didn’t agree with and I didn’t understand why they had made it. I had spent days upset and wondering why and how and what lead to it. I questioned every little thing I had discovered about the situation and analyzed it until it blew the situation wildly out of proportion.

Then one day I had a real heart to heart with my Heavenly Father asking him to help me to understand, or if anything help me to move past the struggle I was in the midst of.  I opened up my heart and poured out my deepest feelings in sincere prayer asking for help. And then it dawned on me; I have a choice.

I have a choice just like anybody else. I choose to be ok. Nobody else has the ability to make the choice of whether or not I am ok. That’s 100%, no doubt about it, in-arguably my choice. So I decided to make that choice. Regardless of whether the choice of my friend was right or wrong it was their choice, not mine, and in that sense isn't my concern. I had legitimate reasons to be upset at the choice, but regardless, spending my time upset at someone is selfish, and yet not even self serving. There are so many other emotions I could be experiencing instead. So I began to get a grip and let it go.

I’m moving forward with my life making decisions that positively affect my well-being. A really good friend of mine said to me when I approached them about my situation to ‘take good care of [myself] and make decisions just for [me].’ My life is still mine to live regardless of any person place or thing I come across. Holding on to anger does more damage than good, so why bother?

The state I’m in didn’t happen overnight. I was given several opportunities to re-evaluate myself and the way I was approaching the situation. One in particular was a talk (<click here if you want to read it) I gave in church last Sunday on charity. While preparing it I did a lot of deep thinking and consequently began to see that person in a different light than I had before. I began to see them with more charity, patience and understanding. I may never get a full understanding of what happened, but it’s not my business to know unless they choose to tell me.

They are still important to me, and probably always will be, but I've learned at least in this instance to get a grip and just let go. To be happy, focusing on the things in my life that i'm immeasurably grateful for. My family and friends who truly love me and want to see me happy. This gorgeous planet and all the beauty that unfolds in it. The gift of sight and hearing to enjoy every moment. The knowledge that as long as I'm trying my best to be Christlike that I'm going to be more than ok when it all comes down to the end.

We are all given the choice; the choice to live happily, unhappily, or anywhere in between. When it’s put that simply doesn’t it make sense to choose happiness? Let go of the pain. Let go of the hurt you might feel. Let go of what you might think you have a right to. Let go of the things that aren't pushing you forward in a positive direction.

I had to...

Later ;)

Charity

The other week in church I was assigned to give a talk and I figured I'd share it here too. I'm really glad I was able to give this talk, it put a couple important things back into perspective. Hope it helps you guys somehow too (I apologize in advance it's a longer read than usual).

If you were to ask google what the definition of charity is, the first answer it would give you would be “the voluntary giving of help, typically in the form of money, to those in need.” If you were to ask the bible dictionary what the definition of charity is, you would get something more along the lines of “The highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affection; the pure love of Christ,” and that’s the definition I want to focus on today. To expand on that definition a little further I want to open to the book of Matthew, chapter 19 vs 43-44 “Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. / But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” It’s a really difficult concept to swallow, loving those that give us no love in return, but if you really do focus on charity as the pure love of Christ, it’s the only way we can truly live to be like Him. He loves all of us, and each of us, unconditionally and therefore there is no limit or list of qualifications that we are put through to qualify for that pure love of Christ, so why do we see fit to create one when placing unrighteous judgement on others?

President Thomas S Monson in an article in a General Conference address in October in 2010 titled “Charity Never Faileth” related the following personal experience:

“Forty-seven years ago this general conference, I was called to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. At the time, I had been serving on one of the general priesthood committees of the Church, and so before my name was presented, I sat with my fellow members of that priesthood committee, as was expected of me. My wife, however, had no idea where to go and no one with whom she could sit and, in fact, was unable to find a seat anywhere in the Tabernacle. A dear friend of ours, who was a member of one of the general auxiliary boards and who was sitting in the area designated for the board members, asked Sister Monson to sit with her. This woman knew nothing of my call—which would be announced shortly—but she spotted Sister Monson, recognized her consternation, and graciously offered her a seat. My dear wife was relieved and grateful for this kind gesture. Sitting down, however, she heard loud whispering behind her as one of the board members expressed her annoyance to those around her that one of her fellow board members would have the audacity to invite an “outsider” to sit in this area reserved only for them. There was no excuse for her unkind behavior, regardless of who might have been invited to sit there. However, I can only imagine how that woman felt when she learned that the “intruder” was the wife of the newest Apostle. 

Mother Teresa, a Catholic nun who worked among the poor in India most of her life, spoke this profound truth: “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”  The Savior has admonished, “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.”  I ask: can we love one another, as the Savior has commanded, if we judge each other? And I answer—with Mother Teresa: no, we cannot.”

In a hymn I’m sure we all find familiar titled Love One Another it reads “As I have loved you, love one another. This new commandment; love one another. By this shall men know ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another” The words of this hymn are taken from John chapter 13 in verses 34 and 35. He’s speaking to his disciples as he washes their feet at the last supper. I don’t think that in his precious last moments with his beloved disciples he would waste his breath on a piece of advice that wasn’t meant to be taken seriously. I also don’t think that John would have written it into the scriptures if it wasn’t meant for us to hear and act upon. We, as the disciples and representatives of Christ and his church on the earth today, are meant to be loving towards one another both inside and outside of these walls, in the most pure and noble way, through the pure love of Christ, which is charity.

Sister Elaine L. Jack in an April 1992 General Conference address also titled “Charity Never Faileth” said the following in regards to the Relief Society:

“Lucy Mack Smith, mother of the Prophet Joseph Smith, told the sisters of Relief Society in 1842, “We must cherish one another, watch over one another, comfort one another and gain instruction, that we may all sit down in heaven together.”

We are part of a grand whole. We need each other to make our sisterhood complete. When we reach out to clasp the hands of our sisters, we reach to every continent, for we are of every nation. We are bonded as we try to understand what the Lord has to say to us, what He will make of us. We speak in different tongues, yet we are a family who can still be of one heart. We work, play, give birth, nurture, dream dreams; we cry, pray, laugh, sometimes clap for joy, and find that mortality teaches us our need for our Savior, Jesus Christ.”

Now just in case the men in the room instinctively tuned out when they heard the words “sisters” or “relief society” I’m going to read that last bit again and paraphrase a little bit replacing those words because what she says is really important.

“We are part of a grand whole. We need each other to make the plan of happiness complete. When we reach out to clasp the hands of our brothers and sisters, we reach to every continent, for we are of every nation. We are bonded as we try to understand what the Lord has to say to us, what He will make of us. We speak in different tongues, yet we are a family who can still be of one heart. We work, play, nurture, dream dreams; we cry, pray, laugh, sometimes clap for joy, and find that mortality teaches us our need for our Savior, Jesus Christ.”

We need each other. Our Heavenly Father doesn’t expect us to walk through this life alone, He sends us, his servants, to comfort one another when we need it most. In order for this to work, He needs us to remember that in his eyes we are all important and special. From the cashiers and store clerks at the local Walmart to the Political leaders of the world, we are all in this together. We can’t see into another’s past present or future to know exactly where and why they are doing what they are in that moment.

A few days ago I was driving through a quiet neighborhood getting practice behind the wheel, as I’m a little behind and as of yet and have been too nervous to get my license. With my father in the passenger seat I came up to a red light and shifted down to a stop. The light quickly turned green and as I attempted to shift back into first gear and cross the intersection I panicked, stalled and had to restart my car. Across the intersection from me was an older lady waiting to turn left. I had the right of way so technically speaking she had to wait for me. In her impatience she honked her horn and zoomed around the corner. I now being flustered because of being honked at took a minute to compose myself, got through the light and pulled into a neighbour’s driveway. My father, knowing I was upset by the situation drove the rest of the way home.

I don’t know that lady personally or what she had been going through that day. I could look at it on the surface and say that she was rude and shouldn’t have done what she did, or I could look at the situation with charity towards her. Maybe she recently lost her job, or a loved one. Maybe she was late for a really important meeting at work or picking up her sick child from school. She doesn’t know that I’m an unexperienced driver who hates standard transmissions and who is still learning how to get off the line. But having charity towards her doesn’t simply mean I tolerate her because I have to. No negative feelings can be associated with charity as it is the purest of all the forms of love.

Going back to the address from President Thomas S Monson he expressed his concern towards the need for charity in the following words:

“I consider charity—or “the pure love of Christ”—to be the opposite of criticism and judging. In speaking of charity, I do not at this moment have in mind the relief of the suffering through the giving of our substance. That, of course, is necessary and proper. Tonight, however, I have in mind the charity that manifests itself when we are tolerant of others and lenient toward their actions, the kind of charity that forgives, the kind of charity that is patient.

I have in mind the charity that impels us to be sympathetic, compassionate, and merciful, not only in times of sickness and affliction and distress but also in times of weakness or error on the part of others. There is a serious need for the charity that gives attention to those who are unnoticed, hope to those who are discouraged, aid to those who are afflicted. True charity is love in action. The need for charity is everywhere.

Needed is the charity which refuses to find satisfaction in hearing or in repeating the reports of misfortunes that come to others, unless by so doing, the unfortunate one may be benefited. 

In a hundred small ways, all of you wear the mantle of charity. Life is perfect for none of us. Rather than being judgmental and critical of each other, may we have the pure love of Christ for our fellow travelers in this journey through life. May we recognize that each one is doing her best to deal with the challenges which come [their] way, and may we strive to do our best to help out.”

Thanks for reading :)

It's OK

I realized the other day that I’m so afraid of letting other people know that I’m not ok. Why? Am I afraid I’d be a burden? Yup. Am I afraid I’d be hurt more? Sometimes. Am I afraid nobody will care? Kinda, but the piece of the puzzle that I’m forgetting is that I’ve surrounded myself with people that would do anything for me. My pains aren’t burdens to them. We’re friends because we help each other. We laugh together, cry together, and everything in between. Wearing a mask around them is only doing more damage by shutting them off. They know me well enough to know when I’m not ok, so if I tell them I’m not, they wonder why I won’t tell them. At least I do when the roles are reversed.

So here I am, not ok, I’m hurting. I’m not being obnoxious or seeking attention from anybody, but I’m also not trying to give off any sort of illusion that my life is all rainbows and kittens. I have problems, struggles and painful life experiences, just like everyone else. I deal with them one day at a time, with the help of my closest friends and family. I get overwhelmed a lot by my emotions and that can be really embarrassing, but that’s ok. It’s ok that sometimes I cry at the most inopportune times. It’s ok that sometimes I am so emotionally exhausted I can’t bear to do much in a day. It’s ok because there are also days when I’m so blissfully happy that my cheeks hurt at the end of the day from laughing and enjoying myself. It’s ok because I know who I am and that I’m important and unique and loved by so many people. It’s ok because my life isn’t about the bad days, it’s about the days that make me want to fly. The days that are so full of wonder that I can hardly sleep the next night because I’m replaying it in my mind over and over again.

So please promise me you won’t read this, or anything else of mine and compare your life wondering why mine is so wonderful and yours isn’t. Your life is wonderful if you look at it that way. Nobody likes wearing their problems on their faces. We are all going through different things at different times.

So here’s to the good days and the great people in my life. I’m not ok, and that’s ok.

:) Cheers

You Choose

Hello fellow internet surfers and blog followers, it's been too long since i poured my emotions into the carefully written sentences on this here blogisphere. It's good to be back regardless of how long I end up staying this time. In the time I've been gone I've lost and learned and loved and hurt, but it's been a journey I'm proud of taking, because after all I've been through, I'm still here.
I had made so many wonderful and great plans to be someone and go somewhere; go on a mission, travel the world, go volunteering. Yet every time I had made those decisions something got in my way of following through. I've gotten more and more upset about my current situation, not feeling like I amount to much next to acquaintances and close friends alike, until I decided to change my circumstance. I started getting out of the house more, whether it was to grocery shop, or walk around the block, or actually be around other people, leaving my house was a good start. I started shifting my perspective on my past and what I'd fought over, realizing that every bad day, road block or ignorant coworker brought me higher.
I made the choice to see the bright side of my trials. And I'm not telling you it came easy. I'm not going to run on giving you any false sense that being happy starts off easy, because it doesn't. Along with my choice to be positive I surrounded myself with positive people, and not jut positive people, but positive people who understood my hurdles. People who have walked through the same swamp with nothing but their flip flops and came out on the other side just like me.
Lots of people come and go in my life and I'm so grateful for what each one has taught me. Sometimes they leave due to some misunderstanding or even something that was genuinely under my control, but regardless of why they leave, it's their choice. I have no control over other people's actions, and to try and convince myself that I do was only making my mood worse if anything. I care a lot about people. If someone hurts, I hurt, especially if I've convinced myself It's my fault. I lose sleep, I can't eat, trying to figure out what I did and how I could have solved the problem.
Here's what I learnt.
Life goes on.
And I mean that in the most cheesy yet genuine fortune cookie way possible. Nobody else has control over what path you choose. Sure some people are extremely influential, but ultimately you can be in control in every circumstance. You choose where to go, who to be and what to do every second of every day. That's the last thing you want to hear when you're in a slum, trust me I get that. But you can't expect to move up if you're constantly looking down.
Sending love and good vibes your way!!
Till next time
xoxo

The Optimistic Cha Cha

all my life i have been doing the optimistic cha cha.
for those of you who are at this moment contorting your faces all puzzled-like, let me clarify.

i haven't always had this perspective that's for sure

but now that i do, how can i possibly be sad about doing the cha cha?

i mean really.

life isn't about being perfect all at once in everything.

the only perfection one can truly achieve is this:

                perfection in learning how to be imperfect.

once you can truly say that you are happy and grateful with your flaws and imperfections, at that moment you have truly embraced the definition of perfection

let that soak in for a second

funny huh?

lets expand

i accomplish tasks given to me best when i evaluate myself first, for example:
               if i'm asked to run a marathon, there is no way i could pick myself up and just go at it right then no matter how
               determined i am.
               i have to evaluate the situation
                    how good am i at running?
                    how long will it take for me to get good at running?
               then i take the steps to reach "perfection"
               that is if i want to.
               personally, i'm not up for running a marathon. i like to go on random jogs just for fun
               and to me, that's perfection enough.

perfection isn't the same for everybody. set goals for yourself and achieve them at your own pace
nobody can tell you you're not good enough
you are always good enough so long as you let yourself see it.

so what do ya say?

wanna do the optimistic cha cha with me?

toodles

walk the line.

have you ever tried to walk, bike, or drive in a straight line? not too hard right?
have you ever tried it with your head turned looking backwards?
not so easy anymore is it.

there is a reason laws are put in place to make sure you keep your eyes on the road ahead at all times. despite your best efforts, its just not possible. you need your eyes to constantly re evaluate and adjust top your surroundings.

can you guess where i'm going with this one??

some of you may already know that i spent a week this summer as a youth counselor at efy.
it was an amazing week!! i met some amazing people and learnt some amazing lessons.

one of those lessons was learning to let go.
i for one have an extremely hard time letting go of the past. i am constantly worrying about the past and how it affects my future... when in reality, i'm creating the problem...

back to the beginning, lets tie it all together.
how am i supposed to move forward if i'm constantly looking over my shoulder at the road behind me?
how am i supposed to stay focused on my future when im so stuck in the past?
im not.

whatever happened in my past, your past, or anyone else's past, is in the past and can't be changed or re written. so why is it that we all dwell on it?? really i dont understand! even though i am more than a victim of it i just dont get it.

so from now on i will do my best to move forward with my eyes ahead and not over my shoulder.

i was planning on this post being a lot longer but i suppose its just not the time or place because the words just arent coming haha
later guys!!!

A Box of Crayons.

I love this quote.

its spectacular.

i really hope I'm a magenta, and not a purple.

:)

Mormon Messages

lately i have been going through youtube surfing binges and they have included lots of mormon messages. i want to share with you a few of my favorites. each for different reasons, but all equally as thought provoking.

this is why i am on this journey

this is why i am striving to be my best self.

i may not have the priesthood,

but I never know when the Lord might need me

to listen carefully to the spirit.

which can only be done if i am in tune with it's promptings.

this really humbles me.

the part where the mother finds her son

on his knees

after she was screaming at him in anger

makes me cry like a baby

every

single

time.

to be like unto a like unto a child.

humble, meek, submissive.

there are so many things we will have to deal with

just trust in the Lord

he knows whats best.

this one is on a bit of a lighter note

but just as painful to hear.

would it ever suck to be that guy eh??

well guess what..

you probably are

there are SO MANY things available for you in this life!

they've been given to us to help us grow and learn

some are intense gospel truths and experiences

some are wild adventures and service experiences.

but regardless of what those privileges may be

grab hold of them

and use them to their fullest

later days

xoxo

The Workshop

So this being a continuation of the previous post, I will begin with the quote that created the segway...

the most dangerous risk of all.

the risk of spending your life 

not doing what you want 

on the bet you can buy yourself 

the freedom to do it later

Can i get an amen??... AMEN!!

So. This past weekend the annual YSA Lethbridge Conference was held. One of the workshops on Saturday afternoon was simply fantastic, imma share with you my notes and thoughts.

So this man (who's name I forget :/) focused on these three things

1. Success

2. Relationships

3. Positivity

These three things are connected, and I'm going to explain to you, what he explained to me(us) through the help of the notes I quickly jotted down

1. SUCCESS

He started off with a formula, that is commonly known among business students and multiple others. The formula for success... commonly known as this:

But the one he showed us looked more like this....

(get chalk font here)

Now I bet most of you are thinking what the heck do these random letters mean?? No worries. I did too. But all will become clear in just a moment. Here is what those confusing letters stand for...

Passions

Talents

Associations

Actions

Faith

So. To clarify that equation and put it into more simple terms.

Instead of just being passionate, and having talents, mix your Passions and your Talents. Or in other words, make sure they are one and the same. Be passionate about your talents and vice versa. Take Action and make decisions. Don't just put it off till tomorrow (going back to the segway into this post). And last, but certainly not least, have Faith that there is a point B.

now i know, i missed associations, but if you look back to the beginning of this post you will find point 2.. Relationships. which is the same thing. so.. on to point 2.

2. RELATIONSHIPS

"You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with"

                                -Jim Rohn

That can be a blow to the chest.... here's a list of questions you can ask yourself to figure out if you surround yourself primarily with the right 5 people.

     Find And Cultivate "Growth Friends"

    -How many close friends do I have??

    -How well do they know me?

    -How much do they consistently encourage me to chase my dreams?

    -How much do they provide insight, inspiration and information that challenges me to be a better person??

Some pretty intense thoughts growing in your mind huh? Yea. My mind was racing at this point. Taking a step back and re evaluating your life and the relationships within it can really put things into perspective. It can really answer some of the questions you've been asking,. Why is life so hard? Why am I constantly goin in circles? Why are my efforts backfiring?? Well. He gave us another list to help us fix this simple problem. ***Keeping in mind that I'm not saying this is the only answer to those questions, but you'd be surprised how big of a difference changing your connections and strengthening your relationships might make in YOUR personal progress***

     Define Your Ideal Relationships

    -What type of friends do I want?

    -What kind of spouse do I want?

    -What do I want from my relationships?

    -How shall I attract, keep and deepen my relationships?

    -Define Happiness and design improvement.

which brings us to point 3...

3. POSITIVITY

You get what you're focused on. simple as that.

Good Job :)

Now dance. 

Because dancing is never a waste of your time. 

Ever.

And to close off the post on a good solid note. here are some wise words:

"If I really want to improve my situation, 

I can work on the one thing over which i have control

- myself"

                                -Steven R. Covey

ta ta :)

10 sentences

i found this picture on pinterest and figured i would share it. deep thoughts. 

my favorite of these ten sentences is this:

the most dangerous risk of all.

the risk of spending your life 

not doing what you want 

on the bet you can buy yourself 

the freedom to do it later

woof. which leads me to the next post. stay tuned.

a story

this week. has been interesting. good. but interesting.

to start off i made a new friend. my lovely cousins Myriam and Roxanne came down for the weekend, and along with Myriam came her friend Flemming. now it didnt take long before i realized how special this new friend was. those two short days he truly became my friend, will be two days i never forget. this guy treated me as an old friend! and that was something that i really needed.

the stage in my life that i'm beginning is a lot harder than i could have anticipated. there are so many little things that i have to learn to change and control all at once. it's hard to put into words but i will try and express it in this post. please bear with me as i start from the ugly beginning.

the beginning of my journey, and the turning of the page from what turned out to be only a brief introduction, started several months ago when i decided that it was a good idea to get counseling. which was a big deal for me. nobody likes to admit that they need help. but i did. i never once looked at myself as perfect, but i had also never seen myself as so damaged that i needed professional fixing. well i did, and i got it.

it was an extremely strange transition at first. getting time booked off work for "doctor's appointments" and essentially having a secret life for a while. i wasnt about to go telling everyone that i had a shrink. who would? the automatic response from anyone, including myself, would be to ask why. but that's not the kind of question i wanted to answer. i don't need to answer it. but i do feel like i need to share my story, because chances are, these words are going to reach someone who went through exactly what i did, or something similar, and it may just help them to take that first step in admitting they need help. it takes time. but in the end, i am so extremely grateful for the help i received in those months of counseling.

the most valuable thing that i learned, and i think i have discussed this on my blog before, is how to be more self aware. before counseling i was just blindly going through my day performing tasks without so much as a second thought. I would occasionally question myself, but it wouldn't end up affecting my end decision or action. bad maddie.

it is so important to be aware of what youre doing, especially if you're trying to solve a problem that, until only weeks before, you didn't realize you had. i now find myself thinking before i speak even to myself (no i'm not a loon, we've all had conversations with ourselves) and it's really quite interesting. i'm questioning everything from the clothes i wear, to the faces i make, to the lights i leave on in the house (huge pet peeve now). and you wanna know something? i'm so much happier. i can't even begin to explain the huge change in my attitude towards my life in general!

so back to Flemming. the night we first met we ended up having to stay up later than planned, and it resulted in an intense heart to heart. it was good to finally have someone to express my story to. and he knew exactly what to say. he told me some things that i didnt realize i had been dying to hear. but they got me so excited!! i was already excited but they were just that cherry on top! so excited in fact, that the next day, although spent with a dear dear friend, ended in sobs and tears. i was up till almost three o clock in the morning just crying. and im not entirely sure why. but it's all part of the journey, and i hope that some day this part of the jigsaw puzzle makes a lot more sense.

and that was my week. or more my weekend.. hah. later all!!

I miss this man.

Its another quote post today. I was browsing my facebook feed when I came across this lovely gem of a quote. I kinda wanna frame it... :)

All of us have problems. We face them every day. How grateful i am that we have difficult things to wrestle with. They keep us young, they keep us alive, they keep us going, they keep us humble. Be grateful for your problems, and know that somehow there will come a solution. Just do the best you can, but be sure it is the very best. 
- Gordon B Hinckley

Oh president Hinckley. you are so wise. I cant count on all my fingers and toes how many times this has crossed through my mind in much less elaborate words. I can honestly say that I am grateful for my trials and difficult life situations.
Now I'm not saying that had i been given the choice to map out my life the way I wanted I would throw in all the trials I have been given cuz nobody enjoys being put through tough stuff. But looking back on the trials I have been given, I believe that I have been more fully prepared for the daunting role of motherhood.
My future kids are going to grow up and enter the teens... and everybody knows how difficult it can be to raise teens. A whole new world of parenting opens up. As I have watched my parents raise me and my younger brothers throughout our teenage years, I have noticed more and more how the trials in my life have helped preparee me for my future; motherhood especially. It's still going to be ridiculously hard, but I will know better what to say and do because of my own experiences, and those of my parents.
I love my parents, with all my heart... I know they are far from perfect, and there have definitely been moments when i wished they would just change their minds on something and do what I wanted them to do. But they have always been rocks for me to lean on. They have raised me to love my Savior through shining examples, and I am so very grateful to them. I love you mom and dad :)

so precious

<3 <3 

xoxo

later gators :)

a quote a quote!

There's no growth in the comfort zone and no comfort in the growth zone.

amen. i can not recall a time when i did not grow from a situation that made me "uncomfortable" in any way. those situations are blessings in disguise! we have to push ourselves a little each day to grow and take that next step if we ever want to reach the "finish line" of life (even though i dont think there is a finish line:)

Zach

a little inspiration for your day.

he died yesterday.

don't wait till you discover you're dying to start living.

smile always.

find that one thing that can make you smile even on your worst days, because there isn't a second you can take back or a moment you can relive. why waste precious moments in the negative when there is so much to smile about?

later ;)

The Next Chapter

Hello my friends, family and followers. Today i am going to share with you some of the bare bones of my life as of yet and in the near future.
So. last summer when i came home from my trip to toronto my mother sat me down and we had a huge heart to heart. i love my momma <3 she has always been there to help me. in this particular instance she gave me encouragement and direction into my future. she told me that the next chapter in my life was practically around the corner and that it was high time i really start getting ready for it. (namely an end to the single adult chapter of my life)
it wasn't until that day that i really realized how great it is to be single! i'm not saying it sucks to be in a relationship, but to be single is something so many of my friends (girls especially) take for granted!! don't spend your life chasing something, on the false pretense that once you've caught it everything will be fine and dandy. if you're not happy single, you're not going to be any happier in a relationship.
and i know you single ladies out there who are patiently waiting for your husbands to come along, have probably heard that nagging phrase far too many times. but just take a moment to think about it. what is a relationship to you and why is it so important that you are in one? there was a point in my life where i looked at a boyfriend as someone to answer and carry out my every whim. hmmm.... does that sound fair?? now i'm not saying that i never did anything in return for them, but i was looking at it all wrong.
I've turned my goggles around and now instead of looking at it from a "Me" perspective, i look at it from a "You" perspective. what can i do to make your life easier and your burden lighter. what can i do to put a smile on your face. and you know what, it helped. and this isn't only to be applied in romantic relationships, but also in our friendships and daily encounters.
so. back to the heart to heart with my mom. she sort of gave me a series of tasks, if you will, to prepare myself for whoever might come my way.these being: 1) become a woman of virtue. 2) find more opportunities to serve. there were a few others but i wanna focus on these for now.

become a woman of virtue.
in all things. action, thought, dress. when i decided being virtuous and modest was important, something changed. i look at myself more positively now, and i find myself grinning for no reason. black marks on my past are starting to really fade, and the future has never looked brighter. I walk with my head held high because i know who i am and where i came from. I know that I'm important and loved

find more opportunities to serve.
remember that post about alvin?? well i had been sort of conciously looking since then but that was my first real service. it completely made my day. i was smiling ear to ear, and nothing could take me down. i look forward to more opportunities to really serve those around me! maybe not in ways as big as that, but still!! making someone's day regardless of how small or large the act can be one of the greatest things you do for your self confidence and general happiness!

my testimony of service and virtue has grown exponentially since y mother's call for direction. i know that she was truly inspired to guide me!! :)

until pretty recently i have still been struggling with the smaller commandments such as reading my scriptures and praying daily. i mean everyone does, but since i have been really trying to be the best i can and draw closer to the savior, i came up with a solution. reading the scriptures before bed wasn't working, and listening to them just put me to sleep. so i decided to listen to conference talks while i wash my face and brush my teeth and get ready for bed. it's making a big difference in my attitude! i want to get a decent way through the book of mormon before christmas, (i would say finish it but i dont want to rush myself and miss inspired doctrine!!) to more fully prepare myself for the next chapter in my life!!

so I've decided to document my journey to a better me :) i want to hopefully find something inspiring every day. now i'm not making any promises but i will try my best!! i want to be able to remember this time in my life. its exciting!! im looking forward to learning and growing and whatever is in store for me :)

before i go here's a little quote i found 

that really kicked me in the keester today :)

so if you wanna join with me, stay tuned!! :)

Alvin.

so yesterday in relief society, our wonderful teacher shared a quote that really stuck with me. and i'm gonna share it with you.

good better best. never let it rest. until your good becomes better, and your better best. -Tim Duncan

and another that goes hand in hand.

turn your cants into cans, and your dreams into plans. -Kobi Yamada

the first one can be misinterpreted though, so i'm going to try and explain it as best i can.

I'm sure plenty of you have heard the saying Good Better Best. but i hadn't heard the second half until just yesterday. it's kinda catchy :)

So. some people when they initially read this quote might think, "well dangit, i'm not perfect, this is unrealistic" (i sure did) but it isn't about perfection, it's about reaching true potential. and everybody, no matter where they are in tall the walks of life, has room to improve on something.

It might be being nicer to your siblings. it might be getting better at saving your money. hey, it might even be as simple as just putting a smile on your face in the morning, and reminding yourself of all the things you have been blessed with. I know i have MOUNDS of room for improvement, and looking into a figurative mirror back at myself, it tends to be daunting.... but we also have to remember to take things one step at a time. I find the things in my life that worked out the best were the ones that i spent more time and effort on, and really tried my best to accomplish.

Ok. so i'm not suggesting that you grab your own figurative mirror and pick out all the things about yourself that need to be better. no. that will only wind you up between a rock and a hard place. trust me on this.... I learnt something important whilst recently seeking professionally guided advice... self awareness. I was taught to really step outside myself and figure out why it was i was doing everything the way i was. NOT EASY.

this took me a long time to grasp, and even now i still haven't really figured it out. but it's really helping. don't be afraid to ask yourself questions. and DO NOT under any circumstances be dishonest with yourself. you're probably going to rediscover some skeletons that you buried ages ago, but it isn't until you actually deal with them that you can move on and take another step towards being your best self.

Something that I discovered amidst my journey is that i am secretly very selfish. every time i was presented with a choice, my decision was based on the answer to the question, 'what's in it for me??' no. it's good to want to help yourself, but in discovering this dirty little secret, i also discovered a pretty little trick. When you ask yourself instead the question, 'what's in it for YOU??' ME benefits more than she would had she asked herself the previous question. (please ignore the awful grammar in that sentence...) So i'll close with a story.

After work one day i was sitting on the bench waiting for the bus listening to some Brigit Mendler (yaya breakup songs) and just enjoying myself. When I'm approached by a native man. He looks a little worn out and beaten, but still somehow glowing. He sparks up a conversation with me, beginning with "you look like you're going somewhere in life, what grade are you in??" at first i'm not sure whether to take that as a compliment, but i kindly reply that i'm actually in university. his face just lit up even more as he replied "good for you. we need more bright young people like you getting good jobs. keep it up, you're great" I smiled, and put my headphones back in, and turned up my music to drown out the white noise that is down town lethbridge. When another native man approached me. this one was poorly dressed and even more scraggly looking. he sheepishly approached me and asked "could you do me a really big favor? i haven't eaten all day and i don't think i have enough change for a hot dog. could you spot me?" I didn't know what to say. i thought for a second. i had enough time to grab him a hot dog and catch my bus home. so up i got. :) luckily Red Dog was just across the street. He introduced himself as Alvin (I think...), and i gave him my name, impressed by his cheeriness. then he opens the door for me. "dang this guy must have really had a great life once upon a time. he's super kind" as we approach the counter i realize i left my wallet at work (oops) so i ask the kind gentlemen behind the counter how much it would cost to buy a hot dog, and we realize that Alvin had enough change after all. i was still bummed cuz i would have wanted to get him at least two. But as i made sure he got his food, he turned to me, offered his fist for a good ol' bump and wished me a good day.

Alvin changed my outlook on life. and i wish i could really thank him for it.... He taught me to pose the second question to myself... 'what's in it for YOU'

So I'm getting better, and making my good better, my better best, and planning my dreams.
:) later

smart

set smart goals. i was sitting in relief society today and i heard an acronym i have never seen used before. i'm going to share it with you, outlining the rules of goal making. i'm going to expand on these rules, by giving examples of improving the new years resolution that weighs heavy on everyone's mind this time of year; fitness. so without further adoo, the rules.

Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Realistic
Time

S. Rule 1.
when you make goals, make them specific. don't just say to yourself, ok, i'm going to exercise more this year. if you didnt exercise at all last year, you can justify exercising just once and calling it quits.. not an option. (not saying that anyone would do that, because that's simply ridiculous) sit down and have a chat with yourself and make a schedule. pick a day, a time, and a length.
I'm going to work out on mondays at 9 am for 30 minutes.

M. Rule 2.
i think this is the rule most often forgotten when it comes to goal setting. remember to make your goals measurable. set points in the year, perhaps monthly or semi-weekly to check up on yourself. how am i doing with my workout? can i handle the pace i'm at? can i go at a faster pace?
I am going to re-evaluate my work out schedule every two weeks, and adjust accordingly.

A. Rule 3.
rule three 3 hand in hand with rule 2, even though its more of a reminder than a rule.... when setting your goal, don't get too caught up in the "you can do anything you put your mind to" thing. now im not saying that quote rings false, you definitely can do anything you set your mind to, but how far are you willing to push yourself? only you know. i find that once you get going on something you really want to do, your attitudes and actions change.
I will remember to stay positive and not give up if something gets in a way.

R. Rule 4.
don't get cocky and set unrealistic goals. telling yourself that you're gonna be a spitting image of arnold schwarzenegger by christmas, and starting off like peewee herman, is not realistic. this also relates to rule 2, in that you may just have to readjust your goals as time goes on. and that brings us to rule 5.
I will try my hardest and get toned for beach weather, (not i will have a killer six pack in three months... unless of course you're already well on your way)

T. Rule 5.
every good goal takes time. you can't just wake up one morning and expect to look like a million and two buck , you have to take your time, and work hard at it. don't let yourself get flustered if for some reason it takes longer than you expected. thats ok. as long as you were working your hardest, as far as i'm concerned, you achieved your goal!!

and i'm going to add one more thing.
Friends. if this goal is something like fitness, or getting over an addiction, or finishing school, everything is easier when you have someone to support you. if you fall short and wanna give up, you'll have your friend to tell you not to give up, and vice versa.

so friends, that's it for today, get goin on those goals!! :)
later!! :)

because of love

dear bloggers, internet surfers and everyone else in between...
today i had an epiphany, and i am going to share it with you.

now i should be going to bed because it is midnight and i work early in the morning tomorrow, but i feel like perhaps there is somebody out there who needs to hear what i have to say. so, whether i know you or not, listen up. this is for you.

so recently my life has taken many a twist and turn, and i have wound up here. i can't say the journey has been perfect and fun every step of the way... if you don't already know, let me be the first to tell you, the most important lessons in life, are those learnt through the toughest times. guaranteed.

for some reason, us humans, we are extremely stubborn, and we don't allow ourselves to see that we need to learn a lesson until we have hit rock bottom. and let me tell you from experience, rock bottom.... that sucks. but despite that fact.... because it's rock bottom, there is no way but up, and despite what you might think, there is always going to be a hand reaching out for you to grab while you're at the bottom of that hole. you just have to let yourself see it. and once you see it, grab hold of it, and never let it go.

now that last part is easier said than done. we get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that we forget that we need a hand to hold. we need somebody to talk to when times get tough... otherwise our problems, our frustrations, our guilt -you name it- it all gets bottled up inside of us until we allow ourselves to once again, reach rock bottom. but remember, there is always a hand. always.

so. now that I've exploded my intro all over this post, it's time to tie it back to the title. because of love...
remember that hand we talked about just a second ago? well that's what this post is about. that hand is there because whoever it belongs to, it extending it to you because of love. and not that gushy, physical, corny love you see in movies all the time... but the love you might feel for a complete stranger you notice is going through a hard time. the love you might feel towards someone, who despite the fact that they are rude, and selfish and blind, you would do anything for them. because of love; because of charity.

if you are a regular reader, you should know by now that i am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or, more commonly known, I am a Mormon. and in the Latter Day Saint church, we believe, or define, charity to be the pure love of Christ. so for the remainder of this post, i am going to attempt to use the word charity, instead of love. forgive me if a couple of times i forget, but i feel i need to get my point across, and the word love just doesn't cut it.

so, i am going to tell you a small story. a story about someone whom i care for deeply, and for whom i would do anything.

there is a young man in my life, who is going through an exceptionally hard trial. it hasn't happened over night, and it didn't come as a surprise to him. you see, through his actions -stubborn behavior, ignorance, rebellion, you name it- he has isolated himself from the ones he loves. he has pushed everyone away in anger, frustration, and confusion. He doesn't know who else to turn to. he has become numb in a sense.

and it hurts me to see him like this. because of charity. He has hurt me in his journey, multiple times. each time i was hurt, some more than others. i got angry multiple times. but the epiphany i had today made me realize something. it brought to my attention the importance of being that hand. the importance of feeling, and acting on charity. there will always be a shortage of people that care. but there will never be a shortage or reasons to care.

i have come across many people in my life who have hurt me, and walked out of my life without so much as a goodbye. I'm not going to lie. most of them i was glad to see leave. and i really hope that they saw that there was somebody there for them when they needed to be picked up; whoever that may have been.

i can't change the past, that's a given. but what i can do is create a brighter future. and yea yea i know I'm just feeding you all fortune cookie bogus but going back to the beginning of this post, someone somewhere needs to read these words. and hopefully these words are that nip in the but that helps you reach out for that hand when you've hit rock bottom.

i hope the ones i hold dear in my life know how much i truly care for them, and how much charity i feel towards them (if that makes sense) so with that i will leave a quote i read the other day when at one of my best friend house:

Accept what you can't Change, and Change what you can't Accept.

later <3 :)

some peoples' children...

seriously guys.... WHAT IS UP!!!!! been a while. in know. but the only thing that has happened since i last blogged that is of any significance iiiiiis i moved. big whoop. and that's all i have to say about that. so. back to the topic of this post. some peoples' children......

so, it's come to my attention far too many times in the past couple of weeks, that the men in Southern Alberta are born annoyingly blind...... not literally. but still, in the worst way. blind to what's right in front of their eyes. i know far too many girls who are being mislead, mistreated and used (without the guy ever even noticing for the most part that it's pretty much entirely his fault)

yea yea i know what you're thinking, "she fell for him in the first place" right?? wrong. well... not wrong... but you're probably looking at it from the wrong angle. yes the girl fell for the guy. but she fell for him because he seemed sweet and he was nice to her. than all of a sudden out of NOWHERE, it's like a switch was flicked and he completely changed personalities. something or someone else came up, and said girl who is now devastated, has been left in the dust.... ouch.

was she not good enough?? there was no good reason for you to leave her!! you were both perfectly happy until those pesky words snuck their way into your brain... "what if".....

what if there is somebody out there who is better for me... what if she's a controlling psycho freak (according to her exes *side note, it takes the right person to bring out the best in someone, so they were probably not lying in telling you that, but it would be wrong of you to judge her for it*)... what if she falls in love with somebody else and leaves me stranded (um... hello? like you're doing right now..?).... ok first of all... QUIT IT!!!!!!! second of all... lemme quote good ol' Bob Marley again.

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect-you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together. But if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break-her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.

too wise my man.... too wise. what does it matter that she eats more than you do, or the color of her hair makes you wanna puke... if she makes you happy, and you make her happy, that's the end of it. DON'T take for granted what is right in front of you. please please PLEASE.

now I'm not saying girls don't do this too because we definitely do, so girls this post is just as important for you, i have just seen it becoming a pattern in the habits of too many guys.

we are humans... we make mistakes. we learn from them.... i had a deep conversation with my mom the other night that really put things into perspective for me. she went through quite the process of finding my dad... she was engaged to be married to man A. but upon deeper consideration, realized their relationship wasn't built on the morals that she wanted to raise a family with. she met man B, got engaged and set a date (getting closer). but then she met my dad.....  she broke it off her previous engagement and fell madly in love with my father... they got married in September and it has been 20 years.. perfect years? no. not even close. beautiful years? yes. full of love. unconditional love for each other and their Heavenly Father.

now I'm not saying third time's the charm or anything.. that's just the way it worked for my mom. yea they fight. all the time. but they make each other happy. they face their problems together. they grow together. they learn together. they had children, taught, and were taught by them... together.

so. as hard as life is... and as many bumps and bruises as you may accumulate along the way, life is meant to be a challenge. how else would we grow?? don't let life pass you by wondering why couldn't this have been easier, or why didn't i know this way back then....

the past is in the past. yes we should reflect on it from time to time and learn from it. but we are not meant to constantly dwell on it. it is soooooo unhealthy to constantly go back in our lives and nit pick at the things we could have done better then... as Rafiki said to Simba in The Lion King: its in the past!! stop bringing yourself down with it!! now this is no easy feat i know. I'm extremely guilty. but hey, I'm not perfect either!!

so if there is one point you should gather from this entire post it is this...

live here and now.

love those who love you, learn lessons from those who don't, and never, EVER take for granted the blessings you have been given. cuz you have more than you can count. you just have to pay attention and open your eyes to see them.

well, that's all for now folks :) have a fantastic week!!

ABC

I'm bored again. so I'm gonna ramble in an organized chaotic way. the alphabet.


A) always remind the people you care about that they are important to you. you can never say that too many times. ever.
B) be careful what you wish for, cuz you just might get it.
C) create opportunities to learn new things. an active mind is a happy one.
D) dance in your room when no body's watching. I've discovered this can be extremely therapeutic
E) exercise. nuff said.
F) focus on the positive things in a situation. it can be really hard, but if you do it often enough, it will become instinctive
G) greet total strangers with a smile or hello. you never know when somebody needs a pick-me-up
H) have a good time, even if you're in a bad mood. nobody wants to hang around a fun sucker. emotions are contagious, spread good ones.
I) invest your time in things that will move you forward. every second spent is non-refundable
J) just let it go. in my opinion, nothing is worse for a person than holding onto negative feelings. trust me on this one.
K) know your weaknesses and learn to make them strengths. nobody is perfect, but if you know what your imperfections are you might as well work towards improving them. no?
L) love unconditionally. this one is hard i promise. sometimes there is just that one person who just grinds your gears. that's ok, you're human. but if you're trying at least you can say so
M) make something. this has proven to help me time and time again. whether its a grilled cheese sandwich or a full blown quilt, there is something profound about being able to create something new out of something ordinary :)
N) never regret something that once made you smile. i read this somewhere once, and it has stuck with me ever since. and i can't say that I'm too good at this because i have a lot or regrets. but once i learn to accept that at one point in time they made me happy, then I'm ok. because there is no point in making a good memory bad, and then making that bad memory worse. (refer to F- good things only!)
O) only you can change the way you feel. don't blame it on your mom or your brother or the neighbour's cat. if you're sad, it's cuz you chose to be. and if you're happy it's cuz you chose to be. the mind is a powerful thing. (not saying that it's easy to just flip the switch... ITS NOT)
P) please yourself as well as others. yes, it's important to help others and make them happy, but if it's coming at your expense, STOP.
Q) quit waiting!!! read that. it's splendid.
R) rock it. self confidence is a big issue for me. but a good friend has made it pretty clear to me, that confidence is one of the most attractive traits (at least for him, but I'm guessing it's something most guys/girls like)
S) sleep. Sleep. SLEEP. so many studies have proven that if you get a good sleep your day just runs smoother due to increased brain function (and a couple other things i cant remember.. :))
T) take your time. life isn't a race, so don't waste it trying to get ahead of the next guy. there's a quote that just popped into my mind that sorta has to do with this:
'pride is not satisfied by simply having something, but by having more of it than the next man.' C.S. Lewis
U)um... i got nothing for u....
V) volunteer. i wanna do something bigger than just raking leaves or doing dishes. have for a long time. and every time i hear feedback from someone who has done it, they say they wanna go back.
W) worrying is bad. don't be a worry wart. it's probably just as bad as holding a grudge. not cool.
X) ya, like that's gonna happen...
Y) yesterday is in the past. keep it there
Z) z.... ya. I've still got nothing.... ha.


so... as patchy as it got near the end there, that's my alphabet of advice. yahoo. later.