so cute!!!!

oh my goodness..... ok i just finished watching a reeeeallly good movie!!!!!
its called "my girlfriend's boyfriend" and it was released in 2010. i kinda just watched it for fun cuz it looked dumb and i wanted a laugh. but its so good!!!!! and there is an unexpected twist in the end!! WATCH IT

it looks a tad sketchy but i swear its so cute!!!!!

on repeat.

just a few songs that have been playing through my head these past few days. figured i would share. since i have a love for music. :)

Good to You - Marianas Trench

i love Jessica Lee's voice in this

Want to - Sugarland

It would be wrong to not include a country song :)
(sorry the video is a little scanty at times)

This ain't Goodbye - Train

I love this song. Train is fantastic.

Here I Go - Megan and Liz

And of course the lovely Megan and Liz <3

Music is wonderful. i don't know what i would do without my music. I'm in a completely different world when I've got my headphones in and I'm just sitting still taking it in. or dancing like a fool hairbrush in hand while tidying my room for the hundredth time. or even walking down the road pretending I'm filming a music video :) Music <3 i might be a dork, but that's totally fine. i like who i am :) later gators

dangit maddie.

I dont know what to think anymore. at this point im pretty much believing i have no chance at all with this guy. hes so great that stinkin half the girls in the ward are crushin on him, and im leaving just as anything gets started. dangit maddie... talk about bad timing.

After All.

Maybe after all. You are the one giving off mixed signals.

tired.

because sometimes things just make you cry. im tired of being the second best... im tired of being a thing.. im sick and tired of being handed around between jerks who couldn't care less about my feelings. im tired. past relationships really shouldn't bug me this much. sue me. but i cant take it anymore. i cant catch a break. goodnight blogging world.

What. If.

Yes yes.... the dreaded two words one should try their hardest to avoid. what if. but i cant help it. i think a lot. and honestly that's not always a good thing. but whatevs. here are my thoughts.
what if. what if i wasn't leaving. what if in ten days i wasn't flying across the country. what if i had more time. would we still be friends? or is there something more. i cant help but think this as i get to know you better. you make me smile. you make me laugh. you get me. if i could somehow work around things and stay. to be honest i would.
yea you have unbelievably bad timing.
i told myself i was going to live with my sister and focus on helping my nieces and nephew and learning how to become the best mom i could. i wasn't trying to find a reason to want to stay. i was trying to completely forget about guys. then you walked into the institute building that monday night and it was all over. its been a roller coaster since then. but what surprises me the most is that you're still here. you're still my friend. but not only a friend. like you're still a gentleman. you still act as though you don't know i like you. and that's what started this whole thought process.
why are you still here. why haven't you run off. everybody runs off. why are you so easy to talk to. why have i told you things i haven't told anybody else. little as they might be why is it so easy to just let it out, and why in the world are you still here after all of it. im baffled. you're different.
but it doesn't matter. im leaving. and ill get back and you will probably be married. what if's and might be's are only there to make things more confusing. and unless something is said im just going to leave it alone. because you don't like it when i dig. i would like to try and make it work. but it would have to wait. almost a year. and i don't want to make you wait for it. its that simple. friends is good.

Blogging in Bed.. round two, late :/

K Guys this is what i wrote in bed late of February seventeenth. and as much as i have mixed feelings about its contents, it was written to be posted, so here it is.

***

And the song of the night is.... drum roll. Its a gooder.

Untouchable by Taylor Swift.

Yep.

It Happened.

What gives. Like really. This is ridiculous. I can't get caught up in all this. I have to move on. I have to let it go. I have to grow. He cant be more than a friend to me at all for a long time. Not even in my mind. That's against the rules.

And so far i am having a really hard time following the rules.

I realized today as i told him about another song i discovered that all the songs i have been feeding him have the same theme. About love. And all that sap. And yea considering a lot of songs are about love (especially when it comes to country which is mostly what I've been showing him) its not a surprise that this is the case. But it is easy for him-or any guy for that matter- to get the wrong idea. And i don't want him to get the wrong idea. I could be just a worry wart (which i am :/) but i really hope that my harmless ideas of friendship aren't sending him mixed signals... well its quarter past two am... hah so it is far past my bed time. Good night everybody!!

***

And that is what i wrote. so yea mixed feelings. the more i think about it the more i get caught up in it, and as it reads above, hats not a good thing. i am leaving in less than two weeks. and if the feelings began to grow and become mutual, the separation would be unbelievably hard. so yes for now i am just going to have to grin and bear it. i cant deny that i like him, there is no way. i actually have a sort of story. not terribly interesting but i will tell it anyways.

soooo a few days ago on the evening of Monday February 20th our ward made forts for family home evening. soooo much fun!!! hah the room was sort of separated into two and teams competed to make the best fort. yes yes our team won and all had a fantastic time. then we all ate popcorn and drank juice boxes. (mmm love me some juice boxes. haha) then Jesse and i finally had our foosball rematch, aaaand i was absolutely creamed. twice. even with help. hah so much for that one!! i was only behind two points the first time we played, and this time i got three.. in total.. between TWO games... hah i suck!! oh well that was fun. then everybody left and a few girlfriends and i went to The Cheesecake Cafe for some dessert (YUM) and we talked and did some truth or dare stuff sorta thing hah. and then my adorable friend steffanie decided to go around the table and pick a guy in the ward that each girl would be most compatible with and why. she went around and then it came to me. i thought oh crap... hah whats she gonna say?? and guess who she picked. yep. she picked Jesse. dangit... then she explained her choice. she said that while she was cat napping in our most awesome fort she observed Jesse and I at the foosball table duking it out. she said she could picture us walkin holdin hands. hah well dangit i was blushing so bad (good thing the lighting in that place is dim)

i was glad when the subject changed. i don't even know what to think about that night. was it coincidence or what. idk. hah and im just gonna say i don't care. even though i do.. man im confusing.... anyways. i should go and try to get some food into my stomach. been in bed all day. food poisoning. hah darnit. later days!!