i could not imagine...

i have been shown just a sliver of what it would be like to be a pioneer.. i am on my feet all day, and by the end my soles feel extremely raw and i can hardly walk. i cant imagine what it would be like to be a pioneer... man, this is nothing compared to what they must have done. i am entirely grateful for their sacrifice. amazing.


but on a more happy and upbeat note, i got a customer comment yesterday at work!! hah so the sore feet were almost worth it. (and besides, i looked pretty great yesterday ;)) so i was handed this girl to help her find a dress/skirt. and the first thing she told me once my boss was gone was that she didn't like skirts that were above the knee, and that she wanted something light, cute and sexy. and i was like' oh my goodness i am totally with you i can not stand shorter skirts... and oooooh are you going on a date???' haha she was like 'ummm... well not really, well, yea haha'. and i was kinda like 'ooooooh gurl we've gotta impress this guy!!' but anyways i really went out of my way to help this girl, and gave her advice on clothes she chose out. then she found a dress that she liked, and we didn't have it in her size.. so i rushed over to the cashier desk and wrote down the number for the Eaton Centre store and the product number for the dress. she was like 'oh my goodness you're the coolest, i will have to tell your manager!!' aaaawe!! i was sooo thrilled!! i couldn't wipe the smile off my face!!! and she was so nice too!! i hope her date goes well! :)
well i guess thats it for now :) later days hooligans :D

2 AM

ok so its actually one thirty. but that title would have been a lot less... flowy? hahaha not even a word...
but anyways!! haha thats besides the point!!
so today i decided to sort of share with you my story. a sort of confession i guess.. on how i became beautiful in my own eyes. haha, so bear with me as i explode all over the pages of my blog :)


so for those of you who know me pretty well, you know that i have struggled with confidence issues. like bad. i wouldnt accept compliments, i would stare into the mirror and wonder what i could possibly do to improve myself. i would look at the shaping garments section in my local walmart. i got depressed over this stuff. and to be honest, a lot of it had to do with boys.


yea gosh darnit those dumb boys, gotta go around making us girls feel unworthy or below them (not saying its only boys but boys were personally my biggest problem).


but here's the thing. it doesnt matter what anybody says. whether they be male, female, black, white, asian, tall, short, popular, nerdy, WHATEVER; it doesnt matter what they say about you. you are who you were meant to be. there is a quote by Dr. Seuss that i absolutely adore and i am going to share it even though chances are you have heard it haha:


"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You."


well... he hit it right on the head. everybody is an individual, and even if you try to be like somebody else, you will never be satisfied with the outcome. the best way to go through life is to live it with a smile on your face.


i understand that at times this can get hard. really hard. remember i once was a fragile lump of dissatisfaction. but just because life is hard doesnt mean you are alone. i hate how often people automatically shut themselves off from others and assume a state of abandonment. YOU ARE NOT ALONE

if you didnt know already, i am LDS. and part of my beliefs include that of a constant comforter. there is always someone watching over me, someone to talk to, through prayer and study of the scriptures.

ok i am not saying that this is false because the knowledge of this comforter has helped me so many times. but when times get really tough, it is nice to have someone tangible to lean on and cry with. you need t surround yourself with the right kind of friends. and that is tip numero uno. 

surround yourself with the right friends. the kinds of friends that laugh with you when youre a klutz. the kind of friends you arent afraid of being makeup-less around. the kind of friends you can tell EVERYTHING. i have been blessed with so many good friends. ones i would not trade any amount of money or worldly possessions to give up. there are few things money cant buy. and real lasting friendship is one of them.

when you surround yourself with friends that truly care for you, you will find yourself walking a little taller around them, and eventually you will walk taller around others. it takes time, but it works. even just one truly genuine best friend will really make a difference for you. you will become soooo much more positive about just about everything. and that brings us to tip numero deux.

stay positive. ok so i think i have mentioned this before but i will mention it again. a while back i was seeking advice from a new found good friend through facebook chat. i was having boy troubles (go figure... haha) and heres kinda the gist of how the conversation went.

i didnt understand how guys never liked me and i always scared them away. i really didnt. i figured i was normal enough to be capable of grabbing a good date here and there. but nope, i was doing miserable in that area. and he told me just that. as much as i am a positive, joyful person in public, and i come off almost in-your-face, my life around my closest friends had become depressing. and he noticed through facebook. i had sunk to the level of FDD. Facebook Depression Diarrhea (not a real disease....). bad bad bad.

i had resulted to posting every intimated detail of my 'depression' on the huge social network known as facebook. and frankly, it was probably getting annoying. to a lot of people. 'subtly' posting code statuses about people who were getting on my nerves or boys who just didnt see me or whatever.

and this guy gave me the best advice. sticking with the title of the second tip, he told me to keep my online feelings positive. there is a time when venting is ok, even good for you. aaaand there is a time when it is a really really bad idea. your friends dont want to see your tears in words all over their news feed. its soooo annoying. (i realize this now in some of my friends, and i hope they read this :))

so its time to move on to tip three. which really is a lot like tip two but from a different perspective.

be a friend. be the kind of friend you appreciate when times are tough. when you help others, you feel better about yourself and who you are. and it really only makes sense that those who are happy, attract those that are happy. when im really sad or really mad, i dont really appreciate people trying to make me laugh. yeah sometimes it makes me laugh and after ive smiled i love them for it, and that is the kind of person you want to be. be the person who loves people unconditionally. everyone has problems, and everybody has triumphs. but everybody experiences them differently. just because YOU are wonderfully happy and things are peachy, doesnt necessarily mean that it comes naturally to others. it takes time to be positive and supportive and accepting of others. dont judge, dont hate, dont hold grudges. President uchtdorf said it right when in conference he said, and i quote, "STOP IT". his talk was more geared towards forgiveness and letting go, but this quote still works well :) and it also brings us to tip nummer vier.

get up, let it go, and move on. sometimes life grabs you by the neck and gives you a good shake. yea it really sucks, but remember, it gets better. BUT it will only get better if you let it. wallowing in your grudging ways isnt going to make your life any easier, let alone those around you. if you are constantly holding onto things that bring you down, how do you expect to be confident and positive. 

"You is kind. You is smart. You is important." -Aibileen Clark, The Help

so i am sure there is tons more to say, i just dont have the room or time to write it. its currently two thirty am where i am, and i kinda need my sleep ;) but i really hope that this post helps somebody gain back their confidence. i will probably expand on it if one day something just comes to me, so i guess stay tuned? hah not making any promises though.

oh, and if you wanna listen to a good talk about being important here's one :)

 so with that, i say, goodnight, good luck, and if you should take anything from this post, remember to ALWAYS be your lovely self.

not much to say

so im kinda bored and i realized i should post on the blog. life is still great. my job is soooooo much fun, i love it. i love the people i work with, i love the environment, i love how much fun i can have at work. so great. i was just thinking that i havent gotten calls back from any of the other places i applied at, and its been two weeks. i guess this was meant to be my job. cool. the only downside to it is that im spending half of the stuff i earn on train fares to get to work, but thats mostly because i am not getting many shifts yet. i will be getting more as time goes by. im only getting like ten a week. boring haha, but either way i am really getting a hang of things and it makes me feel great!!
i realize this post is completely random and not directed at anything, but i figured if youre following my blog you want to read something right? might as well put something up haha. oh and if you want something better than this, ladies this is a great little article, especially if youre younger or you have kids that are younger
http://kateelizabethconner.com/ten-things-i-want-to-tell-teenage-girls/
check it out :)
later days y'all :)

thank goodness for friends.

back :)

the internet is back up and running, and i couldn't be happier... haha i missed blogging on my laptop!! blogging really has become an important part of my life. if you have never tried it, i suggest you do :) its relaxing, soothing, comforting, fun, and surprisingly easy after you really get into it. I <3 2 blog :)
well im actually really tired... hah sorry for the shortness of the post but i will now be posting more often due to the internet working again :)
oh wait on another note, i will have been in ontario for a month this tuesday.. wuhoooah...

irony.

the longer i spend wondering why i never get asked out the more i realize its because im too available. im sure all of you have heard of playing hard to get. and the more i look back on guys ive really truly liked more than just a small crush, the more i realize none of them were really within my reach. playing hard to get, well, gets me. and im not saying that the sweet cuddly guy doesnt get me because man do i ever get cuddly... im just saying that im finally reaizing how it works. i love a good cuddle. like really, sometimes i pretend my big heavy blanket is someone cuddling me when i fall asleep. and theres nothing wrong with that, its in my nature to love being cuddled. theres something about being that cose to another person that just makes you feel so good inside. (when its the right person... haha i dont want to be snuggled by a random perv) but anyways thats it for today!!! later days.

ps sorry the posts are a little slower coming these days, the internet is unhooked till the end of the month and so i have to use the kindle. which can get annoying wen it co mes to blogging... haha bye!

employed!!

so today i had a couple interviews downtown. a couple didnt fall through cuz the boss wasnt there but then it came to be six o cock and i walk into my last interview of the day. waltz right up to the desk and wait till the manager is done. then i find out its a group interview with one other person. dangit those are nerve racking... but anyways the manager leads us down some sketchy staircases and into an office. and then starts the interview ** ok now rewind for a sec, this is important, my brother introduced me to a bunch of people before i got to the interview that actually work at the location i was applying for. they gave me a heads up on some of the questions i might be asked which i really appreciated. i got soooo nervous when i walked in... haha heart raicng. dream job downtown...** hah ok so group interview. this girl has already worked in a mall in retail so shes got an advantage over me and im getting kinda scared. then i realize all the questions im being asked were the ones i was pevously warned about. yay!! haha and then she had us go upstairs and pick outfits for a specific customer in a scenario. she said to me before i ran off in a hurry for ten minutes 'this is what determines whether you get the job or not! haha!!' CRAP!! hah as if i wasnt already like sweating nervous... grosssss... but anyways we got to the end of it and she was like ok well normally we ask you to give us a week to decide whether we want to hire you, but im actually just gonna say i am going to hire both of you. (sweeettt!) haha so she called me later that night to inform me than my orientation would be on sunday at nine thirty. dangit haha that was a bummer. but i figured i can still go to chuch and this job would be the coolest. and i did tell them that i couldnt work sundays. soooo yea :) i have a job at forever twenty one. sweeeeettt.
thats my update for today :) night all!!