oreo

this commercial is just pure awesome.

i hope you enjoy as much as i did

ta ta

a story

this week. has been interesting. good. but interesting.

to start off i made a new friend. my lovely cousins Myriam and Roxanne came down for the weekend, and along with Myriam came her friend Flemming. now it didnt take long before i realized how special this new friend was. those two short days he truly became my friend, will be two days i never forget. this guy treated me as an old friend! and that was something that i really needed.

the stage in my life that i'm beginning is a lot harder than i could have anticipated. there are so many little things that i have to learn to change and control all at once. it's hard to put into words but i will try and express it in this post. please bear with me as i start from the ugly beginning.

the beginning of my journey, and the turning of the page from what turned out to be only a brief introduction, started several months ago when i decided that it was a good idea to get counseling. which was a big deal for me. nobody likes to admit that they need help. but i did. i never once looked at myself as perfect, but i had also never seen myself as so damaged that i needed professional fixing. well i did, and i got it.

it was an extremely strange transition at first. getting time booked off work for "doctor's appointments" and essentially having a secret life for a while. i wasnt about to go telling everyone that i had a shrink. who would? the automatic response from anyone, including myself, would be to ask why. but that's not the kind of question i wanted to answer. i don't need to answer it. but i do feel like i need to share my story, because chances are, these words are going to reach someone who went through exactly what i did, or something similar, and it may just help them to take that first step in admitting they need help. it takes time. but in the end, i am so extremely grateful for the help i received in those months of counseling.

the most valuable thing that i learned, and i think i have discussed this on my blog before, is how to be more self aware. before counseling i was just blindly going through my day performing tasks without so much as a second thought. I would occasionally question myself, but it wouldn't end up affecting my end decision or action. bad maddie.

it is so important to be aware of what youre doing, especially if you're trying to solve a problem that, until only weeks before, you didn't realize you had. i now find myself thinking before i speak even to myself (no i'm not a loon, we've all had conversations with ourselves) and it's really quite interesting. i'm questioning everything from the clothes i wear, to the faces i make, to the lights i leave on in the house (huge pet peeve now). and you wanna know something? i'm so much happier. i can't even begin to explain the huge change in my attitude towards my life in general!

so back to Flemming. the night we first met we ended up having to stay up later than planned, and it resulted in an intense heart to heart. it was good to finally have someone to express my story to. and he knew exactly what to say. he told me some things that i didnt realize i had been dying to hear. but they got me so excited!! i was already excited but they were just that cherry on top! so excited in fact, that the next day, although spent with a dear dear friend, ended in sobs and tears. i was up till almost three o clock in the morning just crying. and im not entirely sure why. but it's all part of the journey, and i hope that some day this part of the jigsaw puzzle makes a lot more sense.

and that was my week. or more my weekend.. hah. later all!!

I miss this man.

Its another quote post today. I was browsing my facebook feed when I came across this lovely gem of a quote. I kinda wanna frame it... :)

All of us have problems. We face them every day. How grateful i am that we have difficult things to wrestle with. They keep us young, they keep us alive, they keep us going, they keep us humble. Be grateful for your problems, and know that somehow there will come a solution. Just do the best you can, but be sure it is the very best. 
- Gordon B Hinckley

Oh president Hinckley. you are so wise. I cant count on all my fingers and toes how many times this has crossed through my mind in much less elaborate words. I can honestly say that I am grateful for my trials and difficult life situations.
Now I'm not saying that had i been given the choice to map out my life the way I wanted I would throw in all the trials I have been given cuz nobody enjoys being put through tough stuff. But looking back on the trials I have been given, I believe that I have been more fully prepared for the daunting role of motherhood.
My future kids are going to grow up and enter the teens... and everybody knows how difficult it can be to raise teens. A whole new world of parenting opens up. As I have watched my parents raise me and my younger brothers throughout our teenage years, I have noticed more and more how the trials in my life have helped preparee me for my future; motherhood especially. It's still going to be ridiculously hard, but I will know better what to say and do because of my own experiences, and those of my parents.
I love my parents, with all my heart... I know they are far from perfect, and there have definitely been moments when i wished they would just change their minds on something and do what I wanted them to do. But they have always been rocks for me to lean on. They have raised me to love my Savior through shining examples, and I am so very grateful to them. I love you mom and dad :)

so precious

<3 <3 

xoxo

later gators :)

a quote a quote!

There's no growth in the comfort zone and no comfort in the growth zone.

amen. i can not recall a time when i did not grow from a situation that made me "uncomfortable" in any way. those situations are blessings in disguise! we have to push ourselves a little each day to grow and take that next step if we ever want to reach the "finish line" of life (even though i dont think there is a finish line:)

tall girl problems

so. being tall means a lot of the shorts that would otherwise be modest for most girls, are too short for me. so i find myself needing to be more creative while im shopping. which can be fun!!

so for today's post i'm gonna share with you one of my lucky finds!! :)

Dear Old Navy. thankyou for giving me some wiggle room with the hem on these shorts!!!

see how cute these are????

and notice that HALLELUJAH cuff??

here's a picture of one leg unaltered, and one altered.

(they are pinker in person more like the online shot)

so. i seam ripped the cuffs to unroll them, then took the inside of the short leg in about an inch to take away the nasty flare that was going on from the lack of tailoring in the folded cuff. simple!!

teehee

well that's the snipit of my journey today :) my journey to a better me :) modest, happy, spiritually giant me :)

later :)

Zach

a little inspiration for your day.

he died yesterday.

don't wait till you discover you're dying to start living.

smile always.

find that one thing that can make you smile even on your worst days, because there isn't a second you can take back or a moment you can relive. why waste precious moments in the negative when there is so much to smile about?

later ;)

The Next Chapter

Hello my friends, family and followers. Today i am going to share with you some of the bare bones of my life as of yet and in the near future.
So. last summer when i came home from my trip to toronto my mother sat me down and we had a huge heart to heart. i love my momma <3 she has always been there to help me. in this particular instance she gave me encouragement and direction into my future. she told me that the next chapter in my life was practically around the corner and that it was high time i really start getting ready for it. (namely an end to the single adult chapter of my life)
it wasn't until that day that i really realized how great it is to be single! i'm not saying it sucks to be in a relationship, but to be single is something so many of my friends (girls especially) take for granted!! don't spend your life chasing something, on the false pretense that once you've caught it everything will be fine and dandy. if you're not happy single, you're not going to be any happier in a relationship.
and i know you single ladies out there who are patiently waiting for your husbands to come along, have probably heard that nagging phrase far too many times. but just take a moment to think about it. what is a relationship to you and why is it so important that you are in one? there was a point in my life where i looked at a boyfriend as someone to answer and carry out my every whim. hmmm.... does that sound fair?? now i'm not saying that i never did anything in return for them, but i was looking at it all wrong.
I've turned my goggles around and now instead of looking at it from a "Me" perspective, i look at it from a "You" perspective. what can i do to make your life easier and your burden lighter. what can i do to put a smile on your face. and you know what, it helped. and this isn't only to be applied in romantic relationships, but also in our friendships and daily encounters.
so. back to the heart to heart with my mom. she sort of gave me a series of tasks, if you will, to prepare myself for whoever might come my way.these being: 1) become a woman of virtue. 2) find more opportunities to serve. there were a few others but i wanna focus on these for now.

become a woman of virtue.
in all things. action, thought, dress. when i decided being virtuous and modest was important, something changed. i look at myself more positively now, and i find myself grinning for no reason. black marks on my past are starting to really fade, and the future has never looked brighter. I walk with my head held high because i know who i am and where i came from. I know that I'm important and loved

find more opportunities to serve.
remember that post about alvin?? well i had been sort of conciously looking since then but that was my first real service. it completely made my day. i was smiling ear to ear, and nothing could take me down. i look forward to more opportunities to really serve those around me! maybe not in ways as big as that, but still!! making someone's day regardless of how small or large the act can be one of the greatest things you do for your self confidence and general happiness!

my testimony of service and virtue has grown exponentially since y mother's call for direction. i know that she was truly inspired to guide me!! :)

until pretty recently i have still been struggling with the smaller commandments such as reading my scriptures and praying daily. i mean everyone does, but since i have been really trying to be the best i can and draw closer to the savior, i came up with a solution. reading the scriptures before bed wasn't working, and listening to them just put me to sleep. so i decided to listen to conference talks while i wash my face and brush my teeth and get ready for bed. it's making a big difference in my attitude! i want to get a decent way through the book of mormon before christmas, (i would say finish it but i dont want to rush myself and miss inspired doctrine!!) to more fully prepare myself for the next chapter in my life!!

so I've decided to document my journey to a better me :) i want to hopefully find something inspiring every day. now i'm not making any promises but i will try my best!! i want to be able to remember this time in my life. its exciting!! im looking forward to learning and growing and whatever is in store for me :)

before i go here's a little quote i found 

that really kicked me in the keester today :)

so if you wanna join with me, stay tuned!! :)

3 Row Wrap Bracelet

here is a link to the tutorial on my other blog!! :)