K Guys this is what i wrote in bed late of February seventeenth. and as much as i have mixed feelings about its contents, it was written to be posted, so here it is.
***
And the song of the night is.... drum roll. Its a gooder.
Untouchable by Taylor Swift.
Yep.
It Happened.
What gives. Like really. This is ridiculous. I can't get caught up in all this. I have to move on. I have to let it go. I have to grow. He cant be more than a friend to me at all for a long time. Not even in my mind. That's against the rules.
And so far i am having a really hard time following the rules.
I realized today as i told him about another song i discovered that all the songs i have been feeding him have the same theme. About love. And all that sap. And yea considering a lot of songs are about love (especially when it comes to country which is mostly what I've been showing him) its not a surprise that this is the case. But it is easy for him-or any guy for that matter- to get the wrong idea. And i don't want him to get the wrong idea. I could be just a worry wart (which i am :/) but i really hope that my harmless ideas of friendship aren't sending him mixed signals... well its quarter past two am... hah so it is far past my bed time. Good night everybody!!
***
And that is what i wrote. so yea mixed feelings. the more i think about it the more i get caught up in it, and as it reads above, hats not a good thing. i am leaving in less than two weeks. and if the feelings began to grow and become mutual, the separation would be unbelievably hard. so yes for now i am just going to have to grin and bear it. i cant deny that i like him, there is no way. i actually have a sort of story. not terribly interesting but i will tell it anyways.
soooo a few days ago on the evening of Monday February 20th our ward made forts for family home evening. soooo much fun!!! hah the room was sort of separated into two and teams competed to make the best fort. yes yes our team won and all had a fantastic time. then we all ate popcorn and drank juice boxes. (mmm love me some juice boxes. haha) then Jesse and i finally had our foosball rematch, aaaand i was absolutely creamed. twice. even with help. hah so much for that one!! i was only behind two points the first time we played, and this time i got three.. in total.. between TWO games... hah i suck!! oh well that was fun. then everybody left and a few girlfriends and i went to The Cheesecake Cafe for some dessert (YUM) and we talked and did some truth or dare stuff sorta thing hah. and then my adorable friend steffanie decided to go around the table and pick a guy in the ward that each girl would be most compatible with and why. she went around and then it came to me. i thought oh crap... hah whats she gonna say?? and guess who she picked. yep. she picked Jesse. dangit... then she explained her choice. she said that while she was cat napping in our most awesome fort she observed Jesse and I at the foosball table duking it out. she said she could picture us walkin holdin hands. hah well dangit i was blushing so bad (good thing the lighting in that place is dim)
i was glad when the subject changed. i don't even know what to think about that night. was it coincidence or what. idk. hah and im just gonna say i don't care. even though i do.. man im confusing.... anyways. i should go and try to get some food into my stomach. been in bed all day. food poisoning. hah darnit. later days!!
No comments:
Post a Comment