What. If.

Yes yes.... the dreaded two words one should try their hardest to avoid. what if. but i cant help it. i think a lot. and honestly that's not always a good thing. but whatevs. here are my thoughts.
what if. what if i wasn't leaving. what if in ten days i wasn't flying across the country. what if i had more time. would we still be friends? or is there something more. i cant help but think this as i get to know you better. you make me smile. you make me laugh. you get me. if i could somehow work around things and stay. to be honest i would.
yea you have unbelievably bad timing.
i told myself i was going to live with my sister and focus on helping my nieces and nephew and learning how to become the best mom i could. i wasn't trying to find a reason to want to stay. i was trying to completely forget about guys. then you walked into the institute building that monday night and it was all over. its been a roller coaster since then. but what surprises me the most is that you're still here. you're still my friend. but not only a friend. like you're still a gentleman. you still act as though you don't know i like you. and that's what started this whole thought process.
why are you still here. why haven't you run off. everybody runs off. why are you so easy to talk to. why have i told you things i haven't told anybody else. little as they might be why is it so easy to just let it out, and why in the world are you still here after all of it. im baffled. you're different.
but it doesn't matter. im leaving. and ill get back and you will probably be married. what if's and might be's are only there to make things more confusing. and unless something is said im just going to leave it alone. because you don't like it when i dig. i would like to try and make it work. but it would have to wait. almost a year. and i don't want to make you wait for it. its that simple. friends is good.