mixed feelings.

today. today is the day that all are supposed to celebrate their love for others. but it has become more specifically known as a couples day. and i hate it. i have hated it since the beginning of cooties. since i first understood why holding hands wasn't gross. (well maybe that's an over exaggeration but i mean you get my point, it sucks for those of us unattached...) i am just finishing my nineteenth valentines day, and still i am left feeling lonely.
don't get me wrong i don't want to get rid of the holiday completely, its gonna rock when I'm not-so-single. but for now i am not going to enjoy a lot of it. so should i describe to you my day? and all the itsy bitsy details that seem to contribute to the end of it? i think yes.
so i woke up at seven and got ready for work (consists of brushing teeth and slicking back my grease nest into a pony... gross.) then i drove into town with the rentals and we dropped everybody off to their rightful places. i got to work at about eight fifteen. didn't start till nine thirty so i took a sort-of nap in the staff room. gotta love those marks on your forehead when you finally manage to wake up... naaat. hah anyways. so i start work and its just normal whatever, put on a smiley face and make the customers believe you're having the time of your life dealing with their sass. yaaaaayyy work.. haha today there were actually a lot of happy people who came through my till, and it did help make my day a happy one. my day was a pretty decent one. i ate salad and BUGGLES (best salty snack invention EVER) and pudding. yummmmmmm. good lunch. drank a whoooole lot of water and then acted accordingly. heh.... then i finished work and walked on over to the institute building. sat and pinned for a while...
***
k pause for a sec. all the while since a bit after noon i was texting the boy previously mentioned in my post about the boy girl situation (which is now unfortunately over for the two of them and reeeally confusing for me..) (and well the whole deal is that after it all i decided to tell him i liked him and well were gonna stay friends because he honestly just isn't interested. which hurts but i mean you have to live with a lot of the pain sometimes. so were just good friends. which is all i wanted at this point anyways because anything more than that with me leaving the province in under a month would really be hard.. but despite my telling myself that there is no way he could ever look at me as more than a friend, every time i text him or he texts me, i catch myself with this sick ugly fool's grin on my face. i cant help myself. he makes me smile. he makes me happy. even when nobody else can. which is ridiculous because i hardly know his whole name.... it freaks me out.) so i was texting this boy. and then he told me that he couldn't text me anymore because he was on a date. and my first thoughts were "awe that's so sweet he is such a gentleman for putting away his phone" then i got to the "liking him" bubble, and i thought, crap hes on a date. and dang it call me an idiot but i sunk.
***
so I'm sitting in this building, Ive been watching the notebook and i get this text from him andd i just poop out. i was already crying from the sadness of the end of the film. and then that popped up, as sincerely happy as i was for him to be on that date, i couldn't help but get that teeny gut ouch.
then i get home and I'm on pinterest pinning again, and then I'm on facebook stalking some more. then i see that some body's relationship status changed. and this was the guy that stayed up till two o clock a week ago texting me for no reason, sparked my interest. but nope hes currently in a relationship with someone six years younger than me. and I'm pretty sure his excuse for not dating me was that i was too young. hmm. another devastating blow.
so in a nut shell I'm still really confused. i don't get what makes me the one who is just so close, and yet so far away. i am tired of being the second. i am tired of the guys i keep meeting who just don't seem to take a second look at me. I'm the friend. and don't get me wrong friends are fantastic, but I'm kinda excited to be the "more than friend" and not just that. not the in between. i want to be the girl that he cant live without.
so that's it. happy Tuesday February the fourteenth.
i hope those of you who are attached have had a fantastic day, you deserve it!!